Fingering, or what your high school friends might have referred to as third base, is making a comeback. Whether you think of it as a part of foreplay, or you love outercourse so much that you consider it the main meal, fingering deserves far more than the forgettable reputation it has been given. Considering that over 80% of people with vulvas do not orgasm from penetration alone, the time to get creative is now. Fingering allows for clitoral stimulation, G-spot stimulation, anal stimulation, or a combination. But just because it is considered a “basic” move, does not mean there is no room to step up your fingering game. Keep those fingernails short, wash your hands regularly, be attentive to your partner’s body language, and keep reading for our fingering tips below.
Fingering the Clitoris
The glands of the clitoral network, or the nub above the urethra we refer to as the clitoris, has 8,000+ nerve endings. It is the only part of the human body solely responsible for pleasure, and the way most people with vulvas reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation is an aspect of fingering that few other sex acts can achieve. Since the clitoris is not self lubricating, moisturizing your fingers with some lube is a good first step. When thinking about ways to touch the clitoris, keep in mind types of motion like “up and down”, “left and right”, “circles”, “tapping” or “rubbing”. You also want to factor in your speed or tempo, as well as the pressure you are using with your hand. Generally, people with clitorises can find too much repetitive stimulation irritating, so they might prefer you switch it up, and they often enjoy a gentler touch to begin with. In actuality, you will get the best tips by asking them how they masturbate when they are alone. If your partner has a sensitive clitoris, their methods will likely be different for someone whose hood is more prominent, who may even ask that you push the hood back before you get going.
Many people with penises in particular assume that the clitoris requires the fastness and roughness their penises may, but in truth slow and steady wins the race. Tantric practices even suggest that the vulva can take 20-40 minutes to feel fully warmed up, with ample blood flowing in the region. This should not discourage you, since anticipation is super sexy. Feel free to tease your partner by grazing their clitoris, a technique called “hinting”. Indulging in clitoral stimulation itself is not all there is to a great clitoral orgasm. Feel around for the mons pubis and the labias, filled with nerve endings themselves, and if your partner is into it, dive down to the G spot.
Fingering the G Spot
Many people finger the G-spot by inserting their fingers in and out, the way you would a penis or phallic toy. What these people may forget though is that the G-spot is a particular region, about 2 inches up the vaginal canal on the stomach side. This is why the “come hither” motion has gained popularity instead. To do this, take a finger or two and mimic how you would tell someone far away to come close to you, by bending your fingers upwards. A variation of this is the twist. Your partner’s G-spot may not be straight up, at the 90 degree angle from your fingers. Some people have G-spots slightly to the left or right of where their belly button aligns. By rotating your fingers in a circle around the vaginal canal, putting a bit of extra pressure towards the top of that circle, you are sure to reach the spot. You will likely recognize it since it is a bit spongier than the rest of the vaginal canal, especially when your partner is aroused. It feels a bit like the roof of your mouth. Once you found it, feel free to vary your techniques, mixing G-spot stimulation with clitoral.
Fingering the Anus
A stands not only for anus, but also for advanced. Anal play may not be something your partner has ever engaged in before, or they may be a certified anal expert. Either way, there are plenty of nerve endings to play around with when it comes to the anus, especially near the outside of the hole, or the prostate for people with penises. This is another region that does not lubricate itself, and since it is further from the vagina which does, lube is of the utmost importance. Once inside, you can circle the anus like we discussed with the clitoris, or pull out the “come-hither” motion (towards the belly button) like we discussed with the G-spot. Experiment with how far your finger should go in order for your partner to feel their best. Remember that poop is normal and nothing to make your partner feel ashamed of, and to please wash your hands before returning back to the vulva or penis to avoid any infections.
