Anal pleasure is an act of solidarity: everybody has a butthole. At the same time, it’s an area full of taboos and if you’ve ever touched yourself down there, you might have realized that the anal sphincter (the muscle that opens and closes) is very sensitive. With all these sensitive nerves ending down there, they don’t deserve to be treated so neglectfully. No matter whether you’ve never done it or whether you’re an experienced receiver, this guide is designed to help you find pleasure in and with a part of your body that will be more than thankful to be receiving touch, care and stimulation. Here is how to prepare for anal sex.
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How to Prepare for Anal Sex Step 1: Getting in the right mindset
Before we get started physically, you might want to check in mentally. Have you ever seen your butthole? What thoughts and concepts do you have around anal pleasure? Yes, it’s the area of your body from which you shit. But shitting, as buttholes, is part of human life. There’s nothing dirty about engaging with your body fully (we will get to good hygiene rules in just a bit).
It can be hindering for pleasure if there are prejudices and reservations around the anal area. Which doesn’t mean to say you need to be free of all these. It’s rather an invitation to check in with where you are. The only way is through, though. It will help you to ease into this experience and support you in rewriting the story of anal arousal to write down your thoughts or at least to make them conscious. What expectations and wishes do you have for this experience? Is it a solo session or are you willing to share this with someone? All this is part of the mental preparation.
How To Prepare For Anal Sex Step 2: Hygiene is mandatory
Good hygiene down there is mandatory. It will not only help you navigate through the culturally attached prejudices around the anal area, it will also help you to feel better and overall support a more wholesome experience. Anal hygiene starts on the outside: many proctologists will tell you that wet wipes aren’t recommended. Or as a proctologist once told me: If your butthole could scream, it would. So it’s much more preferable to clean your behind with water and a bit of soap.
If you want a deeper cleanse (which is what you want to aim for once we get into penetration), an enema or a clyster can be helpful. You will find these tools in sex shops. Another way of introducing lukewarm water into your lower bowls via the rectum is with a special shower head. Some people will just screw off the regular shower head and then use the hose to introduce the water. It’s important that the water you’re using is neither too hot nor too cold. The water pressure shouldn’t be very high, be gentle with yourself. Generally, you only want to cleanse the rectum and not the part of your guts that is above the rectum. You will feel the water coming in and hit a moment of resistance before at some point going around a corner: that’s when you’ve had a bit more than enough. The water will come out very soon, so either release yourself in a bathtub or, which means less cleaning afterwards, in a toilet. Once the water comes out pretty clean, you should be ready to go.
How To Prepare for Anal Sex Step 3: Get in touch (physically and emotionally)
Now that you’re cleaned and ready, you might want to start to engage physically. Before you start touching your anal area, you will want to tune in with your emotions. Is this a shared experience, are you exploring your body by yourself? Is this an experience where both partners are going to receive and give anal pleasure? It’s very important to feel into your somatic experience, because just pushing through because you want to be penetrated, well, won’t work (trust me, I’ve tried).
In the beginning, it can feel weird and counterintuitive to be inserting something into your rectum. It can trigger feelings of discomfort and whenever you feel pain, that’s when you want to take it slower or stop. Try and invite this experience as a process rather than a task. It might take a few sessions and it will be different every time. Even after many years of anal sex, sometimes it just doesn’t feel right. And sometimes, you almost don’t need any foreplay and just get right into it.
A very helpful and beautiful way of being stimulated is rimming. Rimming can help build trust in the dialogue between bodies and it is a non-invasive practice that many people enjoy. A tongue is both soft and strong enough to prepare your body for what is to come. A little fun fact about rimming: The anal area is made of the same tissue as your lips, which is why the skin is pigmented differently than the rest of that area. So in some way rimming a partner is like kissing them – just from behind.
Lubrication, toys and tools
The world of lube is vast: There are many, many products on the market that will serve different purposes. A good lube needs to do the following things: It lubricates, meaning it eases friction. It also needs to feel good in your body. And you want it to last for long enough. In the world of lubes, there are vegan options based on water, there is silicon-based lube and there are DIY options for you to try. You might want to experiment with different oils (such as jojoba oil, apricot oil or coconut oil). What’s important is that the lube is adjusted to your practice. The fat-based oils aren’t friendly to condoms, so they’re only usable when practising anal sex without a condom. Most lubes on the market are very condom friendly though.
Another helpful tool can be toys. Before you have a fully fleshed-out body part entering your body (if that’s even what you want) or a bigger toy that mimics a penis, you can start a bit smaller. It will help here, if you’ve come in touch with yourself in an earlier step, tried your own fingers or had someone slowly insert their finger into you. Toys aren’t mandatory, just a suggestion.
The Art Of Anal Pleasure
Anal pleasure is an art and its own right a revolutionary act. Now that you’re prepared, rimmed and lubed, the rest is up to your pace. A guide like this can prepare you, but the real work of pleasure is done experientially. We hope you enjoyed preparing yourself for anal sex and always remember: Your bum, your journey.