What Is The Pleasure Gap, And What Can You Do To Close It

While we successfully managed to improve the quantity of sex, we didn’t pay too much attention to its quality. The orgasm gap means women in heterosexual relationships, on average, have less satisfying sex than men. It is time to do something against this. 


Have you ever experienced boredom during sex? Many of my friends and I did. We confess. There have been times when we found ourselves lying in bed with our partners with little or no excitement or pleasure.
All of us did it for various reasons. Some didn’t want to terminate the pleasure of the man, while others didn’t want to offend their partner for the horrible performance. Sometimes, the sex was simply not “bad enough” to stop it.

While the last one is a pretty horrible expectation from lovemaking, none of these reasons justify women having sex when they don’t enjoy it. Sex is not a sort of duty or ego-boosting of the other party. It should be about fun, excitement, and mutual pleasure during the whole intercourse. 

As I was researching the topic, I realized, my friends and I are not alone. Many womens’ sexual experiences are far from satisfying. In fact, we are five times more likely than men to experience pain during intercourse and nearly 50% of women regularly fake the big O. Men have 20% to 50% more orgasms than women in a heterosexual relationship. That is the orgasm gap.

Slowly but steadily, we got to the point where this pleasure gap is bigger than the gender pay gap.
So what can we do against it? Or better said, what can you do about it?

Here are some tips to close the orgasm gap and have more exciting, pleasurable sex: 


1. Don't fake it 'till you make it

While many of us have already faked an orgasm, it is definitely not the way to close the pleasure gap. I used to be faking my moaning because I thought it should always be part of sex. Yet, how can my partner know what is exciting for me if I give him fake guidance? How can our partners learn about our needs if we fake them? It’s like we’re guiding men in the wrong direction and expecting them to find the right way in the end.

2. Stop if it doesn't feel good

I don’t know about you, but I used to continue sex when it didn’t feel pleasurable anymore. I didn’t want to speak up because I didn’t want to interrupt my partners’ pleasure, you know. Today I believe this behavior is not quite fair. Think about it the other way around. Would you still enjoy sex if you were aware your partner doesn’t? Still, especially women remain quiet even if they don’t find the other person’s movements pleasurable.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed because you don’t enjoy something your partner is doing. Sex is not for serving the other person’s needs. It’s not for one-sided satisfaction nor ego-boosting. Instead, it’s an exciting experience that feels amazing for all parties involved. 
If one of the participants doesn’t enjoy the act, then you should better stop.

“Sex takes the consent of two if one person is lying there not doing anything cause they are not ready or not in the mood or simply don’t want to yet the other is having sex with their body, it’s not love..." – Rupi Kaur

3. Communicate

academy of lust

To improve the quality of sex, you’ll have to communicate to your partner clearly what feels good to you and what doesn’t. Kindly, but confidently tell if some movements are not pleasurable. Your partner will most likely appreciate your honesty. Eventually, he or she also wants your pleasure.

Hint: Maybe sometimes you don’t even have to speak it out: your moaning and body language will help if it’s authentic. Let your body speak. 

4. Don't underestimate the clit

More than 80% of the women cannot reach an orgasm solely with penetration. According to other studies,

"nearly 3 out of 4 women say clitoral stimulation is necessary for orgasm or makes orgasm feel better".

Yet, we sometimes underestimate the role of the clit. In heterosexual relationships, we tend to think penetration is the king, the ultimate sex act. 
Most women believe otherwise, though. A soft touch on the clit can feel like Heaven was brought down to Earth, and I don’t know about you, but it makes me beg for more.

5. Experiment

What can be more exciting than trying out different stuff and embracing our fantasies together? Seek and enjoy whatever turns you on. As long as it does not involve harming yourself nor others, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
A new position, a massage, conquering the kitchen floor, a soft-core BDSM session, role-play, or anything exciting to you can bring you closer to the big O. 

6. Masturbate. 

The best way to implement all the tips mentioned above is to become conscious of your own needs. If you’re not aware of your pleasure points, how can you teach and communicate them to anybody? 
Masturbating is the easiest way to get to know your body. Take your time to discover your sweet spots, and enjoy the process.
At the end of the day, you’re your longest lover. 

If you’d like to get to know yourself better right now, check out our latest videos. I’m sure you’ll learn a great deal about your body while enjoying a sweet solo performance.

Be inspired by Our Films

More Articles

Kink is Colorful

Positions on Pleasure: Interview with Illustrator Diana Bobb