Obtaining personal information about Girl on the Net proved more difficult than expected. Two sentences are enough to describe her: She is “a girl on the Internet. And she writes about sex. ” Her appearance, name and age remain a secret, only a few photos of her suggest something. If one reveals her identity based on her pictures or her voice, she asks not to divulge anything. Why this secrecy?
Girl on the Net has made it her business to break myths and stigmas around female sexuality by writing exactly about this: sometimes hardcore, sometimes loving and always wonderfully expressive and cheeky. Her penmanship includes numerous sexy blog entries and two books, as well as very erotic audio porn that was set to music with her own voice.
An interview with Girl on the Net about stigmas, anonymity, consent and some of her best sex tips.
Hello Girl on the Net, for many years you have been writing explicitly and pointedly about (your) sexuality and thereby contribute in an important and erotic way to strengthening female sexuality in society. We have been following your erotic blog for a long time and look forward to talking to you about your inspiring work.
We will start off with a quick question: Name three words that describe your blog.
Dirty. Funny. Feminist.
Why did you start girlonthenet.com?
I wanted to break down some of the traditional beliefs people often have about sex. Especially the idea that sex is something that men want and that women give them in exchange for love and security. I enjoy sex and I’ve always been kinky. Also, I just love to tell stories – I couldn’t keep my friends happy forever with my fables of the ‘failed threesome’ or the ‘successful adventure with the sex machine’, so I just wrote them down online. My wish was to give everyone who likes the same hot, consensual things that I do, the feeling of being a little less alone in it.
Why do we need a website that deals almost exclusively with female pleasure?
I don’t think we can talk enough about lust and sex. A lot of our conversations about sex revolve around conception, which is strange when you think about it: how often do people have sex solely to have children as opposed to sex that people have just for fun? We don’t talk enough about lust and talking about lust inspires people to think about their own lust.
What image of women did you grow up with and how does that influence your work and your sexuality?
When I discovered sex for myself, ‘men’s magazines’ were very much fashionable, in which women were often depicted as objects. At the same time, the women interviewed and featured in these magazines were often the ones who were aware of their sexuality, embraced it and enjoyed it, and refused to be embarrassed. I believe that being a woman in our society often means understanding and working with this contradiction – we are expected to be reserved and innocent, but at the same time deeply sexual. We are supposed to be empowered, positive, independent and strong, but at the same time we are also feel shame about these very things.
I believe it is important that as women, we focus on what we want as individuals to ensure that the next generation of women can define for themselves what femininity means to them.
You write that you have received many letters. Why do you think your erotic blog is of interest to so many people?
I write a lot about feminism and that often attracts comments and emails from men who don’t understand that gender equality has huge benefits for them too, and who perceive feminism as a personal offense. Then people write to me who have read my stories and want to write sex blogs themselves – I love them! I also get nice emails and comments on the more erotic things I write – that’s my favorite.
On your blog you can find texts with titles like “Group sex vs GangBang: What’s the difference? “And“ When ‘the one’ becomes ‘the only one for me’ ”. How much of what you write is autobiographical?
When I started the blog, most of it was autobiographical – I told true sex stories that I experienced, or had experienced. Nowadays that might be 50/50. In general, I prefer to write true stories because I really enjoy the process of figuring out exactly why something is hot.
What topic do you write most about and why?
About how I watch my partner jerking off! Here on CHEEX I have also published one of my many stories about it (mututal wank) .
I never fully understood why I found it so hot, just as I never understood why straight men basically love to watch me masturbate, but are always completely flabbergasted when I want to watch them. It’s phenomenally spicy.
As a result of your website, your anonymity is very important to you. You wrote a whole article about it. Do you think women are still stigmatized for their work in the adult industry?
Definitely! Stigmatizing women for it is ridiculous and immoral, but it’s still happening everywhere and it sucks. But for me it’s not as bad as it is with colleagues from the visual field or other sex workers.
But there are many other reasons to remain anonymous, not least because I don’t want my grandparents to fall upon on a blog about how I’m being taken back and forth.
What started as a hobby is now a full-time job. I imagine that you are busy with sex topics all day – do you ever feel overwhelmed by it? If you deal with sex all the time, does that change the type of sex you have and want?
Yes! There are always times when I barely manage to post a blog post and I’m pretty much in the middle of it (and not in a sexy way) and of course sex is sometimes the last thing I want. It’s the same with my partner – maybe his libido is asleep just when I want to try a new kinky thing. We therefore try to communicate as openly and honestly as possible about what we want, when and why.
What’s your best tip for great sex?
If you’re in a relationship, my best tip is to compliment your partner every time after you’ve had sex (or whatever you’re into). Say: “I thought that was totally awesome when you…” or “What you did there at the beginning was HOT!” This stimulates communication, makes your partner feel good and makes it easier for them to tell you what they liked.
This also works with a one-night stand or something non-binding, but then I would communicate even more directly. Ask your partner what he likes and tell them what you like. Try to maintain communication during sex, not just before. You don’t have to be silent!
What do you think about sexual aversion? Have you ever been like that for a long time and what would you say to women who feel this way?
Do you mean reluctance when you don’t feel sexy? I used to feel that way when my anxiety disorders got out of hand and I had to take medication. Although they helped me, the pills also killed my libido and made me anorgasmic. For about six months I had the feeling that I couldn’t feel any pleasure – that was super scary. But then I tried some fantastic sex toys and my partner was very understanding and patient and helped me and eventually I was able to have an orgasm again.
I would recommend everyone who goes through something similar not to put themselves under too much pressure. Take your time, listen to your body and find out what you need. Read ‘Enjoy Sex: How, when and if you want to’ by Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock and get involved in your sexuality -expectation free.
The sexual experiences that you write about on your blog are often anything but innocent, but they are always consensual. Thanks to #MeToo, women’s rights have been strengthened. In Sweden, any sex without the expressed consent of both partners is now considered rape. How exactly do you incorporate consent into your sex life?
There is a simple and a complicated answer to that. The simple one is ‘communication’ – my partner and I talk a lot about the sex we want, had and everything in between.
The more complex answer has to do with the fact that I don’t believe anyone can have fully consensual sex because there will always be various influencing factors which make us feel like we need to have sex a certain type of way. Our society teaches us all sorts of harmful attitudes about how sex should be. Although sex is deeply personal and different for everyone, we should and can only get into a situation where sex is pleasurable and consensual for all parties concerned if we are met with mutual respect.
Have you learned about your users’ preferences from the most viewed articles and audio porn files on your site? And do the results meet your expectations about what turns women on the most?
Which porn you like is deeply personal and depends on many factors. I don’t want to assign anything to the sexes. In general, atmospheric stories are always the most popular, not just about how the sex went, but also about the ‘why?’ That’s what it’s all about in porn – I don’t want to just watch people bang. I want to know why they fuck, what they feel for each other: Is there something intense or forbidden in their relationship? It’s all those chaotic emotions that make sex really hot.