In recent years and decades, the social relationship to the topic of masturbation has changed fundamentally. What for a long time was completely taboo and pseudo-scientifically considered pathological, is now seen by most people for what it is: a nice way to get horny feelings for yourself, a way of connecting with your own body, a chance for arousal and relaxation. And thus a healthy sex option for all those who feel like it.
Many people have an individually perfected routine when it comes to masturbation, others have even discovered it for themselves yet. Still, for others, the pleasurable exploration of their own body has perhaps not always played a major role yet or was shameful, which can have very different reasons. As inspiration for all those who want to discover something new, to change their routine a little bit, or to approach the topic slowly, I present to you some exciting approaches here.
Setting
Where do you particularly like to make yourself comfortable? Is it the cozy bed, the warm bathtub or a completely different place? Do you sit, lie down, lean? With or without pictures or videos, on your phone or in your head?
If the whole thing is rather new territory for you, take a look at your daily routine and find times when you already consciously (or so far unconsciously) spend time with your body: this can be in the shower or afterwards when applying lotion, after waking up or before falling asleep in bed. The general rule is: always integrate new things into your own system as low-threshold as possible.
For those who already have a (well) set masturbation routine, it can be interesting to occasionally incorporate small changes and thus playfully expand your own repertoire. You can do this already during the setting, or by adding new movements and touches – more about that in a moment!
How to Start
Sex and pleasure can be approached in many different ways, and different needs determine the approach! If you are hungry and want to get full quickly, you go straight for the main course; for quick gratification, there is fast food, whereas a 5-course meal is enjoyed slowly and consciously. Very fundamentally, one can say that diversity and “sometimes this, sometimes that” is usually a very helpful concept for a fulfilled and flexible sexuality. But what does this mean for masturbation
If you are primarily concerned with orgasm and effectively approaching the path to it, you will probably want to quickly get to the “orgasmic spots” when masturbating – stroking, rubbing or tensing the clitoris, glans, penis; applying pressure on the vulva, in the vagina or clasping the penis – depending on how you have learned to do it well and what leads you to orgasm.
If you have not yet discovered this “effective way” for yourself or are curious about other, exciting feelings, then here is a suggestion for getting started from my sexual counseling practice: Make yourself comfortable and start with a few deep breaths. If you are lying on your back, come into a relaxed position with your knees up and now start from the center of your body by rocking your pelvis slightly back and forth. This is just like Cat-Cow in yoga, but in a lying position. Or, as if you were spilling something out with your pelvis (automatically getting a little hunched over) and then bringing it back in (making your back round and pressing it against the floor). You can do this movement in slow motion or get faster and faster – find your speed and feel what it does to you and your intimate region.
In order for arousal to spread well throughout the body, it helps if you do not tense up throughout, hold your breath, or touch only one part of your body. All of this can still work great, and pleasure needs both relaxation (at the beginning) and tension (when it goes towards orgasm). That said, often a super tip for initiating or driving pleasure is to involve the entire body. Lolling, moving the pelvis and rocking or “dancing” a little bit while lying down can feel great. You can also consciously deepen your breath if you notice it is stuck or that you are holding it. Try actively imagining it flowing directly into your private parts – it is not about esoteric energies, it is about increasing blood flow and feeling arousing sensations throughout your body. Short spoiler: if you are not used to this, your body may also react with incomprehension at first and feel weird. The key word here is: repeat. Better often and short than rarely and long.
Where to Touch
Here also, it can be exciting to integrate the whole body: caress and touch yourself – if you don’t know where, just decide on a body part outside the intimate zone – e.g. belly, arms, neck, buttocks, chest, face – and explore it as if you were feeling and getting to know it for the first time. For some, even a very light touch with the fingertips can trigger a lot, while others only react to light pressure. Try it out and do not let it scare you off if it does not make you immediately feel infinitely horny. Everyone has different sensing experiences, and if you are not used to something (yet), you will feel it less intensely. Nevertheless, if you already know well what excites you, switch back and forth between the old familiar and the new. So you stay in the horniness, but you can gradually conquer new sensations to it.
And of course: off between the legs, if you cannot stand it anymore, if it feels right or you have the feeling that there is now more than just horny feelings.
Getting to the Point?
With vulva and vagina, penis and testicles, and anyway every sexual part (no matter what it consists of and how it looks like) you can do very different things that give pleasure. For example, apply pressure with the whole hand or concentrate precisely on individual places. Rubbing, pressing, circling, pulling the foreskin back and forth (mostly with the penis, but also the clitoris has a small foreskin), stimulate the vagina entrance or explore the inside with fingers or toys (here most react more to deep pressure than to surface touch), include the perineum or anus and and and…
Every part of our genitals can be pleasurably occupied, the potential for horny feelings is particularly high due to the multitude of nerve endings on the clitoris and glans, but it can theoretically be awakened and nurtured on every part of the body. For this, the following always applies: first get familiar with it and then activate it again and again. This is easier if you already know the benefits of masturbation for yourself – because what feels good, we like to repeat. But it is never too late to get to know pleasurable feelings anew, because fortunately we can learn throughout our lives. You have just read some ideas for further development, but of course, as always, the following applies here: What works well for you is right, and it is just as valid not to feel like doing any of it. Because masturbation is completely self-determined. And therefore also one of the best fields of self-exploration you can imagine.
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