I’m Uptight And It’s Alright

What if you enjoy sex, but you don’t want to explore everything there is? What if you don’t want to share your sexual experiences with everyone? What if you are vanilla?


Everyone seems to be watching porn, everyone seems to be open to any sexual practices, kinky for life, at least trying everything once. We are celebrating sexuality and we are being open about it. We are celebrating female pleasure and female desires. It is as beautiful as it is necessary. But what if you are a sexual introvert?

What if you enjoy sex, but you don’t want to explore everything there is? What if you don’t want to share your sexual experiences with everyone or anyone for that matter? What if you are vanilla?

The alleged open-mindedness of the sexually active world can put a lot of pressure on (young) human beings. Our sexual revolution encourages us to indulge in our desires and kinks, to speak about the naughty things we were told to hide and to explore, to go wild and be free. It’s great! Yet the encouragement seems to be aimed at the more outgoing and kinky desires, meaning people, who are more introverted sexually, can feel left behind.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

A lot of the times being introverted or socially awkward is still considered weird in our society. You’re not “normal”, if you can’t easily speak to people you’ve just met, if you don’t know how to engage in small talk, if you can’t make a group laugh, if you don’t feel comfortable at big social events. Although none of that means that you are not a great person to talk to or be around. You might even be one of the funniest people in the room. It just doesn’t seem to matter in this case.

And these same rules apply for the sexually active world. Being true to yourself, especially when it comes to your own pleasure, is one of the most glorious feelings.

If we all become sexual extroverts due to peer pressure, the sexual revolution will not have been successful.

We should be able to be open about not being open. Experimentation doesn’t necessarily equal satisfaction.

One of the biggest issues for most of us is the comparison to other people’s sex lives. We want to know we’re good in bed, when all we really need is to give ourselves the permission to like what we like. Have we finally started talking about sexual desires and sexual fantasies to solely be worrying about being vanilla?


Spicy Vanilla

In the culinary world vanilla is known to be a remarkably complex flavour. Although vanilla sex is considered to be the plain, uneventful kind of sex, a lot of people experience it as the more intimate kind:

“Wild sex is easier to have, especially with strangers. I would feel uncomfortable to share such an intimate and slow-moving moment with someone I just met. I want to have delicious vanilla sex with someone I know better, my lover or partner.”

Who says vanilla can’t be spicy? Let’s call vanilla sex the kind of sex that creates a beautiful connection between you and your (sexual) partner. Including pleasure on both sides, eye-gazing, slow movements, breathing together, drifting off into new orgasmic worlds. Let’s call it the kind of sex that lets you relax completely and gives you a tingly feeling. The kind of sex that exuberates love, intimacy and security. 

Vanilla is just one more flavour in the delicious world of pleasure. The amazing thing about it all is: No one has sex like you do. So, however you would like to have sex (or not have sex): It is going to be great.

And just because it should be self-evident:

Enjoy some soft pleausre

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