AHA Moments with a Sex Therapist – Interview with Theresa Lachner

Theresa Lachner is a sex counsellor, blogger and author of the CHEEX-exclusive series Lovebooster—a guided audio meditation helping people in relationships to nurture appreciation both for themselves and their partner. We interviewed her for insights into her work.

Share

On her successful blog LVSTPRINZIP and the corresponding podcast of the same name, German sex counsellor Theresa Lachner covers all things pleasure, sex and self-acceptance She takes a stand against outdated patriarchal structures, skillfully balancing humour and gravity in her exploration of subjects related to sex and love. As both a sex counsellor and an author, Lachner’s expertise shines through. Her primary goal is to convey that everyone is “normal” as they are. Her authentic and true-to-life storytelling allows her readers and listeners to find relatable parallels between her stories and their own lives.

Aside from being an author, podcaster and journalist, you are also a systemic sexual counsellor. What does that mean exactly?

Working as a systemic sexual counsellor means considering the client is considered to be the expert on the issue at hand. Together, the client and I look into the issue’s origins, analyze previous attempts to solve the problem, and consider those that might be more effective. Handling couples, I consider their joint problem(s) to be the “client”; the partners act as two parts of a loudspeaker, in a way. Together we work out strategies to dissolve the source of the problem so that it can no longer exist.

What do you particularly like about your job?

I love the “aha” moment that happens when perspectives change. That goes for my counselling, my articles and my podcast. It also applies to my clients, readers and listeners, as well as for myself. I’ve been writing about sex since 2009, and I still learn something completely new at least once a week.

What hurdles or difficulties do you face?

The difficulties that I face are many: dubious, poorly trained coaches; censorship and disinformation—especially regarding psychology—on social media organisations causing additional damage to already vulnerable people; society’s lack of understanding; important topics becoming more and more taboo; and my clients’ fear of trying new things.

Now and then, you specialise in couples therapy. What are the most common issues or relationship problems your clients bring up during sessions?

The most common issue has to be that one or neither partner is in the mood for sex any longer. They get lost in everyday life, they have other roles to fulfil besides simply being lovers, and there is no room for sex any more.

What approach do you use during therapy sessions with couples?

During my sessions, I use the systemic sexual and couples therapy theoretical frameworks established by Clement, Schnarch, et al.

What is your favourite tip to help our readers work on their relationship without having to go to therapy?

Give yourself and the relationship space and time. Talk openly with each other. Really listen to your partner. Give loving, sincere compliments and recognition.

What questions do your clients most often have about sex?

“Is this normal? Am I normal?”

As we know, a fulfilling sex life also includes a (more or less) stable mental state. What is the connection between the psyche and sex?

The experience of pleasure requires a clear head. It comes much more easily when we feel comfortable with ourselves and our surroundings. The WHO’s 2002 definition of sexual health is “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

The WHO further states that “[s]exual health, when viewed affirmatively, requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. If sexual health is to be achieved and maintained, the sexual rights of all people must be recognised, protected and respected.” (Wikipedia, WHO)

It is all interconnected.

What exactly is libido and what influences it?

Libido is the sex drive that animates us to experience and find sexual satisfaction. External factors such as stress, discrimination and everyday problems, but also depression, grief, anxiety, eating disorders, trauma and other psychological problems can reduce our libido. To put it simply, a relaxed, satisfied person also has more desire for sex.

How can meditation or audio erotica specifically influence the libido?

Meditations and audio erotica allow us to escape our everyday life for a moment and re-centre ourselves. We create space for ourselves and for our pleasure.

What difference do you see between the two methods?

Meditation is calming and inspiring and makes you think, while audio erotica is, of course, quite stimulating.

How do you think erotic audio and meditation can enhance and support therapy?

Clients who have little space for themselves and their own pleasure in their everyday lives can benefit from these little time-outs. Those who may have not explored their own pleasure yet can find audio erotica inspiring, and through it discover what they actually like. People who otherwise may have no access to masturbation may also be more likely to find one this way.

Which exercises would you recommend to those new to audio erotica and meditation?

Just scroll through CHEEX and see what appeals to you! 

Would you recommend erotic audio or meditation to your clients as a method?

Depending on the client’s problem – why not?

CHEEX now has a diverse selection of erotic audios, wellness audios and soundscapes. How did you come to CHEEX and what does your collaboration look like?

I have known CHEEX for a long time—from Clubhouse [a social audio app]! It makes it even better that we started working together in 2022. Besides collaborations for my podcast LVSTPRINZIP [in German], we’ve also released the first three episodes of Lovebooster.

You wrote the Lovebooster series. How exactly did you go about writing? And what concept did you follow?

The contents of the episodes are based on classic theoretical foundations of systemic sex therapy. In its implementation, it was particularly important for me to think about as many sexual orientations, gender identities and forms of relationships as possible.

One last question: Why do you like CHEEX?

CHEEX is a safe space to explore your sexuality—that’s awesome!

Share

Be inspired by Our Films

More Articles

CHEEX Talks: Wissen statt Scham – Wie gehen wir mit Pornos um?

Previous
Next