In recent years and decades, the social perspective on the topic of masturbation has fundamentally changed. What was once a complete taboo and pseudo-scientifically considered pathological is now widely recognized for what it is: a nice way to get horny for oneself, a means of connecting with one’s own body, and an opportunity for arousal and relaxation. Thus, it stands as a healthy sexual option for all those who desire it.
While many have individually perfected routines for masturbation, others may not have discovered it for themselves yet. Some may find that the pleasurable exploration of their own body has not played a major role or has been a source of shame, which can stem from various reasons. As inspiration for those looking to explore something new, change their routine or approach the topic gradually, I present some exciting approaches here.
Setting
Where do you prefer to get comfortable? Is it in the cosy bed, the warm bathtub or somewhere else entirely? Do you sit, lie down or lean? Are pictures or videos involved? Are they on your phone or in your imagination?
If this is new territory for you, take a look at your daily routine and find times when you already consciously (or perhaps unconsciously) spend time with your body. This could be in the shower, when applying lotion, upon waking up or before falling asleep in bed. The general rule is to integrate new things into your routine as seamlessly as possible.
For those who already have a well-established masturbation routine, it can be interesting to occasionally introduce small changes and playfully expand your repertoire. You can do this during the setup or by incorporating new movements and touches—more about that in a moment!
How to Start
Sex and pleasure can be approached in various ways, catering to different needs. Just as diverse and flexible sexuality often involves embracing different experiences, the same concept applies to masturbation.
If your primary focus is on reaching orgasm quickly, you might directly stimulate the “orgasmic spots” when masturbating—stroking, rubbing or tensing the clitoris, glans or penis; applying pressure on the vulva, in the vagina or clasping the penis—depending on what you’ve learned works well for you.
For those who haven’t discovered this efficient approach or are curious about exploring other sensations, here’s a suggestion from my sexual counselling practice: Get comfortable, and take a few deep breaths. If lying on your back, assume a relaxed position with your knees up. Start by rocking your pelvis slightly back and forth, akin to the Cat-Cow pose in yoga, but in a reclined position. It’s like spilling something out with your pelvis (causing a slight hunch) and then bringing it back in (rounding your back and pressing it against the floor). Perform this movement in slow motion or gradually increase the pace—find your rhythm and observe its impact on you and your intimate region.
For arousal to spread effectively throughout the body, it’s beneficial to avoid continuous tension, breath-holding or exclusively focusing on one body part. While these approaches can be effective, pleasure requires a balance of relaxation (especially at the beginning) and tension (as you approach orgasm). Often, a fantastic tip for initiating or enhancing pleasure is to engage the entire body.
Lolling, moving the pelvis, and gently “dancing” while lying down can feel great. Consciously deepening your breath, especially if you sense it’s stuck or you’re holding it, can help. Envision the breath flowing directly into your private parts—not as an esoteric concept but as a means to increase blood flow and enhance arousing sensations throughout your body. Quick spoiler: If you’re not accustomed to this, your body might initially react with confusion or an unusual feeling. The key here is repetition. It’s better to do it frequently for short durations than infrequently for extended periods.
Where to Touch
Getting to the Point?
With vulva and vagina, penis and testicles, and, in fact, every sexual part (regardless of its composition and appearance), you can engage in various activities that bring pleasure. You can apply pressure with the whole hand or focus precisely on individual areas. Whether it’s rubbing, pressing, circling, pulling the foreskin back and forth (mostly with the penis, but the clitoris also has a small foreskin), stimulating the vagina entrance, exploring the inside with fingers or toys (most respond more to deep pressure than surface touch), involving the perineum or anus—there are countless possibilities.
Every part of our genitals can be pleasurably occupied, with the clitoris and glans having a particularly high potential for arousing feelings due to the multitude of nerve endings. However, theoretically, pleasure can be awakened and nurtured in every part of the body. The key is becoming familiar with it first and then activating it again and again. This process is easier if you’re already acquainted with the benefits of masturbation for yourself, as we tend to repeat what feels good. Still, it’s never too late to discover new pleasures, as we can continue to learn throughout our lives. The ideas presented here provide some avenues for further exploration, but, as always, what works well for you is right, and it’s equally valid not to feel like trying any of it. Masturbation is entirely self-determined, making it one of the best realms for self-exploration imaginable.
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