What Makes Sex Good?
Many people believe being “good” at sex equals having a lot of experience, being highly attractive, or knowing many techniques and positions. However, none of these qualities guarantee to be good at sex because the “skill” is way more complex.
One can, for example, be both attractive and experienced and still fail to realize that their partner isn’t enjoying the intercourse. Indeed, my rapist was experienced, good-looking, and knew countless positions. I still wouldn’t say he was good at sex. But we don’t have to enter such extremes because those who genuinely intend mutually pleasuring experiences can also miscalculate themselves. People can know the complete Kamasutra by heart and, at the same time, not manage to use it satisfyingly.
Don’t get me wrong; it can be useful to be familiar with the diverse positions, movements, and techniques. The sexual tips and tricks out there on the internet are indeed helpful. They provide a source of information you can experiment with. It’s like having a vast library full of inspiration: If you don’t know anything about the different ways you can experiment with sexuality, you can’t cherry-pick the suitable “solutions.” Yet, the guides and tutorials aren’t the shortcuts to better performance in bed. To reach that, you’ll need a little more effort.
1. Paying Attention
First, being good at sex is about paying attention to the needs of the other person. Either casually or in a relationship, if you pay attention to your partner, you’ll discover what pleasure points they have and whether they genuinely enjoy what you do with their bodies. Everybody is different and enjoys different movements. Indeed, the same techniques might take some to the big O and be complete turn-offs for others. You can’t judge before you take close note of your partner’s behaviors.
Seek the pleasure of the other person by paying attention to their reactions, non-verbal communication. Are they enjoying themselves? Are they bored? You’re not sure? Well, that leads us to the next point.
You can be better at sex by communicating your needs and asking for hints from your partner. How could your chosen one know what you want if you don’t speak up about it? And vice-versa. You can perform the perfect blowjob or the best cunnilingus simply by asking what your partner enjoys.
Communicate about sex with an open mind. You don’t need to talk during intercourse if you don’t feel like it. Admittedly, that can be a little awkward in some situations. But it’s perfectly fine to casually mention your wildest desires out of context as well. You could discuss the turn-offs and turn-ons after a nice dinner or with a glass of wine.
During sex, you can express your needs non-verbally through touches or moaning. You could also guide the hands in question to places that feel good to you.
3. Learning And Discovering Beyond
Lastly, being good at sex is learning and discovering beyond what you already know about your body and your partners’ body. It’s about forgetting what looks good in porn and doing what feels pleasurable for both of you. The learning might start with touching areas on your chosen one’s body you’ve never touched before, and it can also include switching to a few new positions. You could likewise introduce some kinky sex that both of you desire. The list is endless: you can enter the world of soft-core BDSM, role-plays, threesomes, or food kinks, to mention only a few. Experimenting with movements you’ve never used or practiced and simultaneously monitoring your partner’s reactions is a key to a satisfying experience.
To be mind-blowingly good at sex, you don’t need to be talented or experienced, and you also don’t need a perfect body. It’s enough if you pay attention to your partners’ needs, communicate and never stop discovering untouched areas—both with your partner and alone.