Add a kink in your dating life – Five classic date scenarios, reimagined

Similar to the dictionary definition of the word kink; “a sharp twist or curve in something otherwise straight”, a sexual kink can be described as anything that falls outside mainstream sexual activities. But, then again, what is that?

Share

To your great aunt Nora, sex toys and anal play might be super kinky, meanwhile, these could just be regular components of your open-minded friend’s sex life. As our personal boundaries along with society’s definitions are changing, the answer is that what is considered normal or vanilla as opposed to kinky is subjective and depends on each person and their individual starting point. 

Besides, there are more kinks and fetishes out there than anyone can count, and each contains a spectrum. Let’s take powerplay, which can range from gentle topping and bottoming on one end to 24/7 Master/slave dynamics on the other. Spanking or impact play ( a form of BDSM where usually the sub is struck by the top with the hand or a rigid implement) starts with playful barehanded slapping all the way to skin-tearing whippings, and a bondage kink can mean anything from tying a partner’s wrist to the bedpost, to high-risk Shibari suspensions. To each their own. 

When exploring kinks together, never pressure or let yourself be pressured beyond your physical or mental limits and move at your own speed. As opposed to getting thrown overboard without a lifesaver, I like to think of safe kink play as a delicate dance at the edge of your comfort zone.

How can we make our dating life kinkier?

Whether you’re curious or a seasoned kinkster, we all have the potential to open up and explore further, to learn more about ourselves and what we like. 

To provide some inspiration, I’ve put a spin on some common dating scenarios, from the classic dinner date to a picnic in the park. You can use these as scripts or adjust them in any direction to better suit you.

Dinner—with a vibe

If public dom/sub scenarios with a shame-play element sound appealing, or you happen to have a bashful, yet adventurous exhibitionist in you, this one’s right up your alley. 

First, get your hands on a good, preferably somewhat silent, wearable remote-controlled vibrator and invite your lover for dinner. Then, whoever likes to be in charge takes the remote while the other partner wears or inserts the toy. 
Will the wearer manage to sit still with a straight face as their date controls the device? Will they attempt to pass their moans off as heartfelt appreciation for the food? What if they have an orgasm during dinner? And, perhaps most thrilling, will anyone notice? 
I’ll confess, this was a long-standing fantasy of mine that I wrote an erotic story about before attempting to act it out. In the end, the fictional version was a notch steamier, and the latter slightly more giggle-inducing. Still, it made for a rousing scene I’d be keen to repeat, perhaps even on the opposite side of the remote. 
On that note, though a majority of wearable toys on the market are made for people with vulvas, there are remote vibing butt plugs and prostate massagers too, so options are endless. 
If the vibe is not your thing, you can play with wearing a tight rope harness under clothes, a regular buttplug, or how about going commando? Knowing that you, your partner, or both, have a secret that only you two know about can be titillating enough to put a whole new spin on your evening. 


After all, these three liquids are produced and cast out from very close places inside our sexual anatomy, so it’s easier to get confused. The G-spot – the sensitive area “located between 11 o’clock and 1 o’clock at the top of the vagina”, right behind the pubic bone, that sensitively connects the clitoris, the urethra, and the Skene’s glands – swells when stimulated, therefore presses not only on the Skene’s glands but on the bladder, potentially triggering the possibility as much of ejaculating as of squirting. 

Drinks—with a dash of Domination

Bored with the regular cocktail menu? Let me recommend a different kind of twist to your drinks.

Performing and receiving subtle acts of domination in public feels deliciously wrong—in all the right ways. This kind of powerplay requires no physical maneuvering or raised voices, but rather a leader with the confidence and cool to deliver whispered instructions to a devoted follower. 
Could you imagine giving power over to your partner for a whole evening, allowing them to tell you what to do at all times, down to when you get to eat or drink? Or would you rather be the one demanding your lover gets down to tie your shoes or serve you a drink on their knees? Would you sneak to the bathroom to masturbate and bring your date a naughty selfie as proof?

What else can you come up with and how far would you go?

Agoraphilia, the fetish for having (or wanting to have) sex in public places, is common, but the majority are not daring enough to play it out. Would you?

Imagine this. It’s a sunny day and you and your partner have packed a lovely basket. Strolling hand in hand through the park, you’re looking for the ideal spot, but not for your average picnic. What’s on the menu is—yes, you guessed it—each other.

Anticipation builds as you wander, scouring the scenery for somewhere with just the right amount of privacy; where you can hide from plain sight without losing the fear of getting caught with your pants down…literally. 

This build-up, as opposed to the sex itself, might become the highlight of the scenario since you’re trading comfort and time for the thrill. On the bonus side, the extra excitement is bound to release a delicious mix of adrenaline and dopamine to fuel the remainder of the day, and beyond.

And what’s in your picnic basket? I recommend a blanket to lay down beneath you, a robe or other quick cover-up, water to avoid dehydration, a pack of wet wipes, and condoms. 

A few words of warning: When engaging in public play, stay away from typical family areas and never put anyone in a situation where they’re forced to watch. In the case that you should get discovered, make sure the local penalty for public obscenity does not exceed whatever you and your partner are willing to risk for the deed. 

Before we start, I think it’s important to stress that, although there’s a lot of information online about how mindblowing and 100% pleasurable squirting is, it might not be the case for many people. Not all people like to squirt! Take A., who describes the feeling of squirting as slightly painful, making her feel with little to no control over whether she wants “to squirt or not to squirt?”. Be open to the possibility of finding out that squirting might not be your thing, whether you manage or not to make it happen. Be honest always; there’s nothing you’re missing out on if squirting isn’t an exciting practice to you, despite what porn or any other online guide might make you think. In any case, it’s always worth trying to figure out if you’re into it or not.

If you’re a vulva-owner and about to embark on a solo squirting session, your mission will be to find your G-spot. For this, I’d suggest doing it standing up or in a squat position (with one or both legs bent); it’ll be more accessible than lying down for your fingers to reach that blackberry-textured piece of flesh that’s your G-spot. Using two fingers in a “come hither” motion (palm of your hand facing upwards, from the back toward the front of your body) is quite the easiest way to find it. If you want to stimulate it with sex toys, go for G-spot vibrators, so called because of their upward curve that can easily reach and stimulate the area of the Skene’s glands. 

But first things first; take a moment to create your own space for pleasure. To me, “getting in the mood” means making my ritual and engaging in some kind of meditation. Allow yourself to disconnect from everything else and leave out any distractions. Never forget that you deserve to get a treat from time to time and enjoy a moment of connection with yourself only because it’s self-care; therefore, it’s about your health. Breathe in and breathe out gently. Never forget to breathe when having sex, whether with yourself or one another!

Invite them over—with instructions

When we’ve dated someone for a while, many of us fall into the trap of too much Netflix and chill, minus the euphemism. Still, at-home dates are convenient and provide the necessary privacy to get as naughty as you want. 

Next time you invite your lover over, propose to send them a list of special instructions and craft a detailed plan for the evening.

To establish dominance (after your partner has agreed, of course), submit your very particular list of requests down to what they should wear, how they must groom, and items to bring, from toys to that fancy whisky you love. The more specific the list, the stronger the sense of authority.

From there, you could blindfold them as they enter and take them on a sensory journey. Whether you’re a strict dom requiring your partner to serve and please you with the threat of punishment if they get it wrong, or you want to restrain and play with them using feathers, wax, ice cubes, or something else entirely, this should be negotiated beforehand, without giving away all your surprises, if possible. 

If D/s (dominant/ submissive) is not for you, roleplay scenarios are abundant. Is your partner a full-service massage therapist? A sex worker? A home nurse? The delivery person, or perhaps the plumber? Or are they a tentacled alien from outer space? The sky is the limit.

Make them dessert—literally

There’s an inherent connection between food and sex. Also known as wet and messy fetish aka WAM, sploshing is the act of incorporating food items as foreplay or during sex. 

You can hardly go wrong with sweets like berries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. From someone who’s turned a lover into a real-life birthday cake on more than one occasion, I speak from experience.  

Skip dessert at the restaurant and take your date home for an extra sweet, and messy (!!!), end to the evening. On that note, you might want to lay down a sheet to protect whatever surface you play on. And, don’t forget the bubbly!

Still not sure where to start? Learn about each other in fun ways first.

Many are under the assumption that talking about sex and kinks beforehand takes away the fun of it, but nothing could be further from the truth. If you and your partner are not sure what you like and what you’d want to explore, make a whole date (or a few) out of finding out. 

You can download and spend the evening filling out and reviewing some of the many kink checklists that can be found online, or make your own. Read erotica out loud to each other, listen to audio, or watch some hot alternative porn and discuss them together after. Or, you could go on an excursion to your local sex toy shop and make some shiny, new purchases together.

Happy exploring!

Our selection of articles is growing every week.
Go educate yourself and dive deep into several topics around Sexucation, Culture, Health and  Love&Lust.

Share

Be inspired by Our Films

More from LEARN

What Is Ethical Porn?
Previous
Next