Vulva owners –want to tune in for a sensual, sexy self turn on? Me, too! After quite the foray into the wild world of dating apps and a couple of hot and heavy liaisons, I’ve recently returned to the drawing board. Decided to take a little hiatus from external forces and make time for a solo investigation into the art of the self turn on.
First, what do I mean by ‘self turn on’? I’m consciously using the term ‘turn on’ as meaning the feeling of an awakening, a shift, a dial being moved inside. My inner erotic volume gets turned up – all the way or even a bit more subtle. For me, self turn on can sometimes feel like a pulse in my vulva or a spread of warmth between my legs…
I would equate self turn on as a delicious consequence of erotic self focus. Intentionally creating space to engage with yourself and more importantly, ALLOW yourself to be a sexual, sensual human. Threading together your emotional, physical and mental layers to sink into feeling pleasure for the sake of pleasure. No one to please, no one to perform for, no pressure. Just you and you. However, this can sound a bit daunting. Most of us grew up in households lacking conversations around sexual health, pleasure and definitely the power of the self turn on.
Where to begin with self turn on?
Start with making the commitment that erotic self focus is now a welcome activity in your life. Think of all the crushes, lovers and partners that you put so much energy into learning about their specific turn ons. We’re going to shift that focus back onto ourselves. We’re going to claim space that is solely about building in time for getting curious about the ways we know and don’t know (yet) how we get turned on.
I know this sounds a bit obvious, but it’s powerful to make a commitment to yourself. You can also find a way into this process with journaling. Write sex scenes. Write make out scenes. Write about old lovers and future lovers. Pour your desire onto the page – see what happens in your body. Does your heart beat faster? Does your breathing change? This isn’t about being a professional erotic writer, nor is it about the other people starring in your writing. You’re engaging your erotic imagination with creativity. Not the creative type? I disagree – I think sexuality and sensuality is a form of creative expression. This lives inside all of us. However, there are other ways to develop the self turn on with inspirations…
Ways to Juice Up Your Self Turn On
If you google ‘how to turn yourself on’, the list is usually the same. Baths, massages, sexy clothing and toys. And I agree – sensual acts of self care are important. But let’s skip that laundry list for now. I recently discovered that self turn on for me is also about taking healthy risks, pushing my boundaries a bit. Take that dance class. Check out a tantric yoga session. Go out to dinner by yourself with a book. Plan a solo weekend trip. There’s something about creating experiences just a tickle beyond our comfort zone that can arouse a sense of excitement coupled with confidence. Of course, we may have limited resources and need to keep our budget in mind. I hear you. In the words of Elizabeth Warren, “I got a plan for that”.
The Saturday Self Turn on Session
Saturday. You don’t have to work, your schedule is cleared. Ready to dive into a day of self turn on? Fabulous. Let’s go. Start the morning by NOT getting on your phone. Make a coffee, stare out the window. Breathe. Show up to a present state of awareness. Practice active listening – to the early morning quiet or the noises on the street. The smell of coffee, the taste of breakfast, the touch of your robe against your thigh. We’re inviting in the senses.
Now we’re going to get into some sex education. What’s on your mind and could push those boundaries just a smidge? For me, I’ve always struggled with the aesthetics of my vulva. I’m a bit shy – is she serving sexy? Does she look good? Safe to say, I’ve created a bit of distance between me and my vulva. This is where a workshop or a tutorial can come in and break some walls down. A perfect point of departure for the Saturday self turn on. So, watch a yoni massage, lingam massage or sensory masturbation tutorial. Rip (or gently peel) the shame bandage off and spend the morning educating yourself. The wonderful thing about tutorials is that they’re straightforward ways to explore your erotic focus with experts. It’s like a little class for one in the comfort of your own living room.
Self Turn On and Afternoon Delights
Shower up, put on your favorite outfit or shape your hair into a sexy do. Put the dangerous red lipstick on…basically, add a voom voom to your aesthetic. Get ready to hit the streets or the hills. You’re going on a walk. But bring the headphones. We’re taking audio erotica into the landscape, but as a secret experience in our ears.
Audio erotica can take different forms. You can listen to stories as a voyeur or get an immersive experience like you’re in the room. Since you’re already outside, create self turn on by listening to public themed audio erotica to add in a layer of sneaky hotness. Riding the train is also an incredible place to listen to audio erotica. Consider it a seductive move for yourself.
Home Is For the Self Turn On
You’re back in your flat. Your cheeks are flushed from a healthy walk, whatever your flavor of audio erotica has certainly moved that self turn on dial up a notch or two. Now, it’s time for visual stimulation. As an aside, I am so thankful that we have access to porn nowadays we don’t have to question. I remember those times when I watched porn, but always had a little tinge of doubt questioning the conditions under which the film was made. Porn is a curious creature in that I use it for different moods. Sometimes, I just want to get off. But other times, I want a storyline. An erotic narrative to slow down and anchor into.
As part of your Saturday self turn on session, why not choose porn that really brings the heat? As I said, nothing wrong with a quickie, but there is porn with a little more narrative. I would even say with an arthouse aesthetic or intimate encounter that will really get yourself turned on and turned up.
But ritualize it. Choose porn that speaks to your inner freak, or your inner curious, or even your inner pain slut…be honest with yourself about who you want to spend the afternoon with. I would also suggest playing with some edging practice as a form of self turn on.
The Twilight Hour
The sun has begun its descent, the blue hour is upon you. Maybe you’ve climaxed, maybe you haven’t…all is welcome in the art of self turn on but I think it’s safe to say you’re humming with pleasure. It’s time to eat. I love the art of preparation with food. It’s like a culinary seduction. Pasta is always a cheap and easy way to pull out sensual tasting experiences. The steam from the boiling water, the pungent garlic, the richness of the sauce. Incorporate fresh herbs like basil or thyme. Chop, crush, smell. Set the table like you mean it. Light a candle. Sit down and devour, taste, nibble, slurp. Whatever your pleasure. Like the morning, be with the experience of eating, swallowing, chewing. Sexy, right?
The Night Is Your Self-Turn-On
Now we have a bath. We get out the oil, the music, the kimono. Or take another audio erotica with you. Let it start with a wet, bathtub romance and follow you to your bed. You, my dear, are in your pleasure. Self-turn-on Saturday is coming to a close. Pun intended.
I wish you courage and curiosity in your quest to find what feels good. Full disclosure – I’m writing this on a Friday and I look forward to tomorrow. Maybe it’s me sitting next to you on the train, headphones on with a smile. You deserve pleasure. We deserve pleasure.