The pressure to have a “beautiful” vulva…

– and the “shame”, no matter what it looks like.


Beauty Ideals

Beauty ideals – they are everywhere. For the fewest of us they are good, for the most of us they put us under pressure. Mankind compares itself with unrealistic, edited and seemingly “perfect” images. Tight skin without blemishes and, of course, long, clean-shaven legs and muscular shoulders. Yes, our world is full of beauty ideals. And despite the fact that beauty is something subjective, they don’t stop at our private parts. Just like many other media outlets, unfortunately, the mainstream porn industry often shows us beauty ideals that are subjected to cultural ideas and norms. Naked beauty ideals, which one can hardly live up to and which often hit us even more sensitively than those covered by clothes. This is not only the talk of washboard bellies, standing breasts and handsome feet, no – here it should now be about vulvae.

Does My Vulva Look Good?

When I was younger, I thought, “Wow, I have a pretty perfect vulva”. It looked like you would imagine it to look- and maybe like you get to see in most media. The inner vulva lips both smaller, of course, than the outer ones that cover them. Because how could it be otherwise? The color of the skin in a tone you like and the hairiness just right. There are no vulvas with hair over the outer vulval lips to the anus.

And it is done – bang, the beauty ideals have made it to us and our partners or rather between us and our partners and especially in our heads and put us under pressure if necessary. We tell ourselves what our bodies should look like, where we should shave – no matter how awkward – and where things should sit. And yes, of course, we know that all this does not correspond to reality – but to stop being influenced by it, that is a different matter and we must or should learn it.

Because in reality, vulvas can look very different and change- even mine has evolved away from the “picture book vulva”. All our vulvas are beautiful as they are. No matter how long, short or tight the inner vulva lips are, no matter how much they are covered by the outer ones or how (in)proportion they are to each other, no matter where and in which color the hair grows and where it is left standing or shaved off. Because whatever other people say, regardless of the images that the media convey- we are allowed to love our vulvas as they are. No body shaming- no vulva shaming. And if there is talk of shaming, then at this point the reference to the concept of “pubic area”. Why should we be ashamed of penis and vulva, when they are important body parts, just like arms and legs? Labia? No, vulva lips. Because there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Viva La Vulva

Our sex life, just like our life in general, should not be determined by ideals of beauty. Passion, fantasy, pleasure, joy and much more – all without pressure, all without shame. Diversity was, is and will remain important, no matter if it is about sexuality, ethnicity or our body(-parts). We can try to squeeze ourselves less into uncomfortable molds and accept our bodies as they are- and love and style our vulvas as we want to. And we’re gonna make it- Viva la Vulva!

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