What Makes Sex Good?
Many people associate being “good” at sex with extensive experience, high attractiveness or a deep repertoire of techniques and positions. However, none of these qualities guarantee sexual proficiency. The “skill” of sex is way more complex.For example, someone can be both attractive and experienced and still fail to realize that their partner isn’t enjoying the intercourse. Indeed, my rapist was experienced, good-looking and knowledgeable about countless positions; I still wouldn’t say he was good at sex. But we don’t have to enter such extremes because those who genuinely intend mutually pleasuring experiences can also miscalculate themselves.People can know the complete Kama Sutra by heart and still struggle to use it satisfactorily. Don’t get me wrong; familiarity with the diverse positions, movements and techniques can be useful. The sexual tips and tricks available on the internet provide a source of information you can experiment with. It’s like having a vast library full of inspiration: If you don’t know anything about the different ways you can experiment with sexuality, you can’t cherry-pick the suitable “solutions.” Yet, the guides and tutorials aren’t the shortcuts to better performance in bed. Achieving that requires more effort.
1. Observation
First, being good at sex involves attentiveness to the needs of your partner. Whether in a casual encounter or a committed relationship, paying attention to your partner allows you to discover their pleasure points and whether they genuinely enjoy what you do with their bodies. Everybody is unique and enjoys different movements. Indeed, the same technique that takes some to the big O might be a complete turn-off for another. You can’t judge before you take close note of your partner’s behaviours.Observe the pleasure of the other person by paying attention to the non-verbal communication within their reactions. Ask yourself: Are they enjoying themselves? Are they bored? And if you’re not sure—well, that leads us to the next point.
2. Communicating
You can be better at sex by communicating your needs and asking for hints from your partner. How could your chosen one know what you want if you don’t speak up about it? The same applies in the opposite direction. Sometimes, performing the perfect blowjob or the best cunnilingus is simply a matter of asking your partner about their preferences.Approach communication about sex with an open mind. You don’t need to talk during intercourse if it doesn’t feel right; admittedly, that can be a little awkward sometimes. However, it’s perfectly fine to casually mention your wildest desires outside of the context of the bedroom. For instance, you could share the turn-offs and turn-ons after a nice dinner or over a glass of wine.During sex, non-verbal cues such as touches or moans can express your needs. Guiding your partner’s hands is another great way to communicate.
3. Learning
Lastly, being good at sex involves learning more and more about your body and your partner’s body. It’s about forgetting what looks good in porn and doing what feels pleasurable for both of you. The learning might start with touching areas on your chosen one’s body that you’ve never touched before, and it can also include switching to a few new positions. You could also introduce some kinky sex that both of you desire. The possibilities are endless: You can enter the worlds of soft-core BDSM, role-play, group sex or food kinks, among others. Experimenting with movements you’ve never practised while observing your partner’s reactions is key to a satisfying experience.
Being mind-blowingly good at sex doesn’t require talent or experience, nor does it require a “perfect” body. It’s enough if you pay attention to your partner’s needs, communicate and never stop discovering untouched areas—both with your partner and alone.
