porno

Porn stories and consumption: Why we should not be ashamed

Most of us are ashamed of admitting that we watch porn. But why actually are we? We have looked for an answer to this with the help of psychologists and scientists and have discovered that the shame is unfounded. 

Why are we ashamed of watching porno?

Yes, we like to watch porno, but as soon as we have, somehow we feel…bad?! We apparently are not alone in this. Many people are ashamed to watch porn and for many different reasons: some question their moral values based on their porn preferences, others cannot let their feminist beliefs and porno coexist. The only question is: should we all feel bad?

In general, sex is often still associated with shame – no wonder that visualizing sex triggers feelings of shame in many of us. Not only does that lead to porn shaming, but also sex workers are stigmatized by the dark side of the industry. Someone who clearly enjoys sex – and takes money for it –, is quickly put into the “dirty” category. This is despite the fact that billions of people actively consume and work in the porn industry every year. 

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Just because pornography is widespread doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone respects it. Often it is men with little “real” sexual experience who avoid contact with women in real life and seek sexual pleasure through porno. If porn consumption were only to take place in isolation, i.e. without exchanging information about it or having sexual experiences with real partners, sex would quickly be perceived as something purely mechanical and as a means to and end. Also, women’s needs are mostly ignored in many of the popular straight mainstream films, which can lead to extremely distorted ideas for men searching for partners.

The solution for these men and for basically everybody who watches porn is to have a good sense of critique. Erotic films are scripted, professionally lit and reworked, just like it is common with action films – and you don’t try to reenact The Wolverine, right?! The same principle applies to porno and porn stories.

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As with many things, the following also applies to erotic content: the dose makes the poison. Can porno be unhealthy? Yes, just like spinach, money and sports. Most of them can become unhealthy when in excess or in a wrong setting. Does it therefore straight away become an addiction?

Dr. Jess O’Reilly, psychologist and podcaster for “SexWithDrJess” says: “No, in any case, porn can be tempting and in some cases distract from real-life sex, but the phenomenon of ‘porn addiction’ is often just an excuse to avoid responsibility.” In addition, according to Dr. O’Reilly, pornography is so ubiquitous – if it were actually harmful, you would notice significantly more negative social impacts. But since access to porn is easier than ever, a decreasing number of violent crimes and divorce rates have been observed. “I’m not saying that porn is responsible for these trends, but we can definitely see an existing correlation,” says Dr. O’Reilly. 

Another thing that contributes to porn shaming is the discrepancy that lies between fantasies and our actual sexual needs. Feminists who are turned on by the idea of rape and successful businessmen who like to be spanked are so common that they have actually become a cliché. Porno is a fantasy, and like other films should be seen as such! Nevertheless, so many of us are ashamed of content that stimulates consumption.

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Now, enough said about shame and the unhealthy aspect of porno! Do stimulating contents also have positive effects? “Definitely!” says Dr. Reilly “Especially for couples, films are a great way to talk about sex and fantasies. Couples porno is a great way to get closer to your partner. Also about topics that were otherwise somewhat uncomfortable for them. Watching porn with our partners can be strange and exciting at the same time, and it is precisely this balance that often produces the most interesting topics for discussion. If something makes you uncomfortable, admit it honestly. Tell your partners what exactly makes you start blushing: is it the act itself, the performers or the whole scene? If something turns you on, take the opportunity to share it with your partner; was it the music, the light, the position or the actors? In any case, your sex life will be enriched by getting to know the other person’s preferences better.” Let couples porno work wonders on your relationship!

Ultimately, pornography is about sexual fantasies, and fantasies should know no shame. As long as our porno consumption does not negatively affect other areas of our lives, there seems to be no reason to be ashamed of it in any way. Get inspired and enjoy the wonderful world of sexuality in your own way.

Ready for some visual inspiration then please check our watch section.

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