Still, it’s what I’ve asked myself during many very intense sexual encounters where a partner could stimulate my G-spot so right with their attentive, busy fingers, I felt like a whole ocean was roughing inside of me. It happened the last time I had sex with this incredible lover; everything was perfect with their tireless hand playing my vulva. But instead of letting the wave go out, squirting freely, I got stuck in what Ph.D. Emily Nagoski calls “spectatoring”, that is, ‘the art of worrying about your body and your sexual functioning while you’re having sex”. What if I pee in my own sheets and it’s going to be embarrassing? What if I ruin my sheets for good? What if I look very unsexy while squirting? What if this is not the right person to squirt with?
What, with some self-irony, I’d call ridiculous questions, are what I’m sure many people (whether they’re vulva-owners like me or not) are asking themselves right now while having sex or masturbating. Many of us already held back from squirting more than once. Especially the first few times we confront ourselves with it, it can be scary to feel like something out of your control is happening in your body, and you don’t feel like you can manage your reactions or your partner(s).
It took me a while to understand that that out-of-control feeling was, as a matter of fact, my body trying to squirt because it took me some time to even, really know something about it. There’s so much more to our pleasure than what institutional culture is (not) teaching us, without mentioning the stigma attached to female pleasure (females’ fluids were even banned from porn for some time!). Hence, we often feel lost in a natural bodily reaction that we should be able to understand and embrace. So I decided to do more thorough research, going beyond all the misleading stereotypes about squirting I’ve heard along the road, often perpetrated by most free online porn and the general media. In this straightforward guide to squirting, I’ll share some of the most important things I’ve learned about squirting through recent years.
So let’s start with the basics. Squirt is a transparent, watery liquid released directly from the urethra… like pee! But although they have a very similar (almost identical) biochemical composition, squirting and pee are not the same. In the words of Dr. Beverly Whipple – the pioneering researcher who, together with Alice Kahn Ladas and John D Perry, identified for the first time the Gräfenberg Spot (popularly known as G-Spot) back in 1982 – the female urethra can expel two types of fluids; urine alone, and urine diluted with substances from the Skene’s glands (aka the female prostate).
The Skene’s glands are responsible for expelling small amounts of a dense and milky liquid known as female ejaculation, whose composition is biochemically similar to sperm (aka male ejaculation). But are ejaculation and squirting the same thing? No, they aren’t. I’ve seen many guides online conflating the two while firmly stating that squirting is not pee. Well, the big news of the day; squirting is way more similar to pee than ejaculation! Not only that, but curiously, some studies showed that a few examined females when squirting, would expel urine with no traces of PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen).
After all, these three liquids are produced and cast out from very close places inside our sexual anatomy, so it’s easier to get confused. The G-spot – the sensitive area “located between 11 o’clock and 1 o’clock at the top of the vagina”, right behind the pubic bone, that sensitively connects the clitoris, the urethra, and the Skene’s glands – swells when stimulated, therefore presses not only on the Skene’s glands but on the bladder, potentially triggering the possibility as much of ejaculating as of squirting.
But are only females able to squirt? Definitely not. My friend C., a transfemme, enlightened me on the matter as they shared their squirting experience, which they defined as so fun to be “addictive”. Just as much as vulvas, penises can go through the ecstatic watery experience as well, as they can gush out a liquid from the external urethral orifice after strong contraction of the prostate and the pelvic striated muscles. Like female squirting, male squirting has an entirely different texture, smell, and color from ejaculation and is more similar to urine. There was no scientific evidence of the mechanics of male squirting until 2018 when researchers from the Kawasaki Medical School in Japan proved that males can squirt too if the penis is stimulated even after ejaculation. Sounds unfamiliar to realise that science left uncovered for so many years exciting aspects of male sexual anatomy and pleasure too.
All this pee-not pee talk made you want to pee? Great, then go ahead, because it’s always a good idea to do it before sex, especially if you intend to practice squirting for the first time, especially if, like me, you tend to worry about peeing out of your control. If you’re concerned about wetting everything up, you may want to equip yourself with a squirt waterproof blanket or just some towels. However, for the first time, I’d suggest doing it in the shower; it might help you feel more comfortable with this new liquid you’re about to explore, and you don’t have to worry too much about staining your furniture.
Before we start, I think it’s important to stress that, although there’s a lot of information online about how mindblowing and 100% pleasurable squirting is, it might not be the case for many people. Not all people like to squirt! Take A., who describes the feeling of squirting as slightly painful, making her feel with little to no control over whether she wants “to squirt or not to squirt?”. Be open to the possibility of finding out that squirting might not be your thing, whether you manage or not to make it happen. Be honest always; there’s nothing you’re missing out on if squirting isn’t an exciting practice to you, despite what porn or any other online guide might make you think. In any case, it’s always worth trying to figure out if you’re into it or not.
If you’re a vulva-owner and about to embark on a solo squirting session, your mission will be to find your G-spot. For this, I’d suggest doing it standing up or in a squat position (with one or both legs bent); it’ll be more accessible than lying down for your fingers to reach that blackberry-textured piece of flesh that’s your G-spot. Using two fingers in a “come hither” motion (palm of your hand facing upwards, from the back toward the front of your body) is quite the easiest way to find it. If you want to stimulate it with sex toys, go for G-spot vibrators, so called because of their upward curve that can easily reach and stimulate the area of the Skene’s glands.
But first things first; take a moment to create your own space for pleasure. To me, “getting in the mood” means making my ritual and engaging in some kind of meditation. Allow yourself to disconnect from everything else and leave out any distractions. Never forget that you deserve to get a treat from time to time and enjoy a moment of connection with yourself only because it’s self-care; therefore, it’s about your health. Breathe in and breathe out gently. Never forget to breathe when having sex, whether with yourself or one another!
Caress your body gently, use lube (the more, the better!), and, once you are inside yourself and find your G-spot, caress it like you’re literally telling it to come to you, open up to you gently. Remember that it’s not about quickly pushing your fingers inside, so even when you feel aroused enough to pick up the pace, try not to lose control over the “come to me” movement. Don’t rub it, but let your fingers stroke that juicy blueberry with mild curiosity and care. You can also try thudding, that is, repetitively pressing the G-spot to build intense tension. I personally am crazy about thudding myself, and I love doing it to a partner or when a partner does it to me. In any case, you are the only one who can know what works better for you. These are just tips, not rules; what makes the fun is active listening to your body and figuring out what you need to do in the moment. If you feel too much in your head, slow down, take a breath, and start again if you like.
The above applies when playing with other people, too. When asking my followers to share with me their squirting experiences, I got a DM from L., who told me how exciting it was for him and his partners to explore different moves and moods together that would make them relax, feel confident and safe enough to open themselves up for squirting. Like L., R., also a male, told me how exciting it is to see the look of surprise on their partners’ faces when they unexpectedly squirted for the first time in front of them.
I loved seeing how everybody’s experiences with squirting are so different. Y., a female, shared that the first time she squirted, it was masturbating, and she thought she pissed the bed. On the other hand, R. told me about that time when she was having sex with a guy with such a giant penis that she thought the hot liquid squirting out was her cervix bleeding! C. told me the story of when she was having standing-up sex and, after she squirted, she slipped on her own squirt (I honestly laughed a lot when reading that, but yeah, if you’re taking my advice to stimulate your G-spot while standing up, please make sure not to hurt yourself!).
Then there’s L., whose first time squirting was when he was fingered on a staircase and squirted so much it ran down the stairs like a waterfall (epic!). L. also shared with me how T (testosterone hormone therapy) changed how he squirts. Before transitioning, he would only squirt from fingering or fisting penetration, while now, he says, it can happen from pretty much any kind of stimulation, although it’s now rarer and less abundant than in the past. Hormone therapy can change one’s ability to squirt more or less drastically. For example, one of L.’s friends had never squirted before transitioning but started doing it after a few years on T.
Whether you have a vulva, a penis, or anything in between and beyond, whether you find squirting so exciting to become addicted to it or you’re just bored at it, whether you like doing it solo or with one or more partners… What I find beautiful about all of this is that just as much as anything else related to human sexuality, our sexual experiences can tell so much about how diverse we are as humanity and unique as individuals. So go ahead and explore yourself if you feel like it, enjoy the wave your way without any judgment, know yourself a little bit more, and invite others to do that with you under your direction if you like.