The Benefits & Importance Of Watching Porn Together In A Relationship
- Spark desire: This is especially beneficial for people who experience responsive desire—75% of women and 25% of men experience responsive desire more than spontaneous desire. This is often mistaken for having a low libido. It means you normally experience desire when you are experiencing something sexually relevant. This may be your partner kissing your neck or watching an erotic movie together.
- Build confidence: Watching real couples have real sex provides a different and more relatable experience. This can build confidence and security that real couples’ sex doesn’t resemble the extreme, disconnected and performative interactions that you see on free porn sites.
- Get Inspired: There’s a certain level of taboo associated with watching porn together, and anything a little naughty can be a turn-on. Going on a sexy adventure together can strengthen your bond.
The Benefits / Importance Of Watching Porn As A Single Person
- Spark Desire: 75% of women and 25% of men experience responsive desire more than spontaneous desire, which means they are more likely to experience desire when already experiencing something sexually relevant. For these people, the thought of having sex doesn’t even cross your mind until there’s an external stimulus, but when you get going you’re into it. Porn can offer exactly the type of stimulus a person with responsive desire needs.
- Reap the Benefits of Masturbation: Watching erotic videos to help with masturbation means you can get all the delicious benefits of self-pleasure, including stress reduction, better sleep, improved body image and more.
- See Realistic Intimacy: Seeing real couples, and real sex is a very different experience. This can build a sense of confidence and security sex doesn’t look like the extreme, disconnected performative interactions that you see on free porn sites.
- Have Some Carefree Fun: Watching porn as a single person is both fun and healthy. As a bonus, there’s no chance of STIs, unwanted pregnancy or any of the other risks associated with partnered sex.
The Importance Of Representation In Pornography
How Porn Can Contribute To Positive Mental Well-being
What Can We Do For Our Overall Sexual Wellness?
Understanding the wellness benefits of sex, both solo and partnered, can help shift the shame and fear around our bodies—how they look, feel, and smell as well as what we enjoy. Addressing these concerns is crucial in alleviating the stress and anxiety that so many individuals experience.
To boost our sexual wellness, sex education is key. The procreation-only model prevalent in the Western world misses out on so much, especially regarding how female bodies truly function. For example, it’s normal and healthy for a person with a vulva to take 15–45 minutes to reach orgasm. This misinformation creates a belief that there is something wrong with our bodies compared to others, which impacts our confidence, our sex lives and our relationships.
To deepen your understanding, start with books such as Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and She Comes First by Ian Kerne, scour online sex ed classes on CHEEX and watch porn that includes real-life people.
Tips And Activities To Feel More Sexually Liberated
What Are The Benefits Of Watching Real Sex On Screen?
What Are The Benefits Of Watching Real Sex On Screen?
Unlike the real thing, watching scripted sex trains your brain and your body to get turned on by something artificial—actors merely going through the motions (as part of their job), augmented bodies (often altered through surgeries like labiaplasty, implants and skin bleaching funded by porn companies), and performed arousal, noises and orgasms. This means that real-life experiences may become less exciting to your brain, potentially leading to erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation in male bodies and issues with libido and orgasm in female bodies over the long term.
On the other hand, watching real sex allows you to get turned on by real experiences which can translate into real interactions far more easily.
How To Tell Your Partner You Want To Start Watching Porn
Your partner’s response will be heavily influenced by how you approach the conversation. If you convey a critical tone or an underlying assumption that they won’t listen, this will shut off their receptivity, making them perceive it as a threat and potentially hindering the conversation.
Instead, I recommend you get clear on what you want to try, and why it’ll benefit you. Emphasise that it’s something that you’d like to do together with your partner turning it into a shared experience. Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable, as this opens the door to a deeper connection.
For instance, you might say, “I came across an article by sexologist and CHEEX expert Caroline D’Arcy, suggesting that watching porn together could be a turn-on and help kickstart MY libido. I’m nervous about bringing this up, but I’d love to try it with you. What are your thoughts?” You can find more tips on communicating sexual needs with your partner(s) here.
The Importance Of Having A Healthy Relationship With Porn
As an external stimulus, porn can take you out of your body. The type of connection and satisfaction most individuals seek in their solo or partnered sexual experiences should ideally stem from a profound connection with their own bodies.
One of my favourite practices is watching porn until you’re sufficiently aroused, then redirecting your attention to the sensations in your own or your partner’s body. Verbalizing these sensations and shifting your focus between your body and the screen can be a transformative experience. If you’ve primarily relied on porn or fantasy for arousal, this practice can serve as an excellent starting point to rebuild the connection with your body.
What you watch when aroused is essentially training your body in what turns it on. Opting for real couples engaged in genuine experiences, free from performance or detachment, is vital for fostering a pleasurable and connected experience—whether within a long-term relationship or during casual playtime.
Why Is There Still A Pleasure Gap Between Men & Women?
How Do I Feel Comfortable In My Own Body During Sex?
In a world where billions of dollars are spent on advertising products and lifestyles, often heavily photoshopped and filtered, there’s a pervasive message that your body is not okay as it is.
Compounding this issue is the fact that our exposure to naked bodies and genitals is primarily through porn, where bodies are frequently either not fully developed (women’s bodies continue to develop until the age of 23) or have undergone augmentation (again, surgery such as labiaplasty, implants and skin bleaching is often funded by porn companies). Moreover, men are employed only if they possess exceptionally large penises. It’s easy to see why most of us feel uncomfortable in our bodies at some point in our lives.
The antidote to this lies in plenty of loving, self-touching practices that engage your whole body, mirror-work and spending time around real bodies. If hanging out at a local sex club isn’t your preference, make sure you watch diverse porn that includes real bodies and real-life interactions.
Role Of Shame In Sexuality
How To Overcome Shame
Shame acts as your body’s protective cloak, shielding you from the experience of painful emotions. Notably, shame cannot endure in the presence of empathy. To overcome shame, it’s essential to recognize how it manifests in your body, discern the underlying emotion and share it with someone who understands.
For instance, if you feel shame about your partner discovering you masturbating, your initial physical or somatic response might include heightened temperature, sweaty palms, and an overwhelming desire to hide or express intense emotions. These bodily reactions serve as a distraction from the underlying emotions.
Once you’ve traversed through the somatic response (but not before!), delve into why you believe this makes you a bad person. It could be rooted in childhood experiences of being caught and scolded or the fear that your partner may be disgusted or feel rejected. Sharing this truth with your partner, a supportive friend or a sex coach/therapist can significantly contribute to dissipating these feelings.
One of my favourite questions to ask clients is “What aspects of your sex life would you not want to appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper?”
Where Does It Come From?
Shame is a protective mechanism designed to shield you from experiencing painful emotions and beliefs. Often, these beliefs are forged in childhood to aid in maintaining safety and connection with our parents. However, as adults, these beliefs may no longer be appropriate. This is why it’s always important to investigate what’s underneath the initial somatic response.
For example, if as a child, you were caught rubbing your body and reprimanded, it could instil the belief that pleasure is bad and will lead to rejection. This belief could contribute to a feeling that sex is somehow dirty and wrong when in reality we know the truth: sex is so much fun, important for most relationships and crucial for the continuation of the human race!
