The Safer Kink Glossary
Aftercare
BDSM
Consent (in Kink)
Communication
Check-in
Drop
Similar to hangovers, drops can occur after intense sessions where bucketloads of delicious pleasure chemicals, like dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin, have been dumped into our systems. The next day(s), we may naturally feel depleted—even depressed. Both tops and bottoms experience drops and the best way to cushion a rough landing is to engage in oodles of the aforementioned aftercare.
Edge Play
Not to be confused with edging, edge play pushes the boundaries of what is considered safe and thus carries higher risks of physical and/or emotional harm.
Examples of activities with high physical risk include extreme bondage, play with needles, knives, blood, fire, choking, and breath restriction. Humiliating activities, like free use, total power exchange, kidnapping, and ravaging play can take an especially heavy emotional toll. Approach these with caution and always agree on a safeword!
Fetish
The words kink and fetish are often used interchangeably and while there is a definite overlap, the biggest difference is that while a kink is something you like and that turns you on, a fetish is something you need in order to be aroused at all.
GGG
Coined by infamous advice columnist Dan Savage, GGG, aka good, game, and giving, is a great approach to kink and sex. Still, being GGG never means being game for giving anything your partner wants if it turns you off or conflicts with your limits.
Head Games (Mind Games)
Limits
Munch
Negotiation
Play Party
(Sub)space
Room for Error
RACK
As opposed to the related guidelines SSC, meaning safe, sane, and consensual, RACK, aka risk-aware consensual kink, is a philosophy within the BDSM community that prioritizes informed consent and full awareness of the risks involved in the activities they choose to participate in.
Safeword
Scene
Tantric BDSM
Ugol’s Law
Vanilla Sex
A term used to describe any sex considered conventional, mainstream, or normal by social standards. I am not sure who gets to decide what is normal, but I do know that one is not inherently better than the other and you are allowed to switch between flavors as often as you wish.
WIITWD
The primarily internet-based acronym, WIITWD, meaning what it is that we do, is often used in place of the more narrow term BDSM to refer to all types of non-conventional sexual activities, or as a subtle nod to fellow kinksters.
YKINMK + YKIOK
In the scene, it is generally frowned upon to yuck someone else’s yum, or what we call kink-shaming. Therefore we say YKINMK and YKIOK, meaning, your kink is not my kink and your kink is ok.
Always prepared!
Though BDSM can appear rough and hard from an outsider’s perspective, I have seen more softness, compassion and empathy in the BDSM world than most other places. On the contrary, if any encounters have left me feeling unseen, unheard, and even unsafe, it has been with so-called vanilla partners who were less educated when it came to consent, boundaries and communication.
I often reflect on how all sex would be so much better if we incorporated concepts like pre-negotiation, mid-scene check-ins and aftercare. While these are absolutely necessary in order to practice BDSM or any potential risk-involving kink in a safe way, it never hurts to come extra prepared for any scenario.
