Role Play and Pleasure: How To Dress Up Your Desires

Role play can be a great way to elevate your sexual pleasure and act out new desires. We look at ways to step into character with confidence.


Celebrating Halloween provides the perfect excuse to sprinkle a little extra spice into your sex life. As people get ready to don their outfits of choice, use this opportunity to bring a touch of role play out of the closet and into the bedroom. Whether it’s putting on your partner(s)’s clothes, digging out that sexy kitten outfit, or simply sucking on a toffee apple, here are some ways to dip your toes into the fantasy world of role play. 

Role Play the Day Away

Role play and dressing up can be a wonderful way to allow for forms of escapism as well as foster deeper intimacy between you and your partner(s). However, the initial idea of taking on a character or acting out a scenario can feel a bit intimidating. Firstly, remember that this is all in the name of fun! Sex gives us the chance to leave the day behind and prioritise our pleasure; doing so in a more theatrical way is simply an excuse to jazz up the routine. Tap back into that innocent love for playing games and get imaginative.

Fantasy Inspiration

Dreaming up your ideal fantasy can allow you to tap into interests and desires you haven’t had the space or safety to explore before. For some, this can include power dynamics and punishment (like Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf), switching gender roles, or perhaps a little dirty talk such as “have you been naughty?”. Remember that finding a fantasy that both you and your partner(s) agree on might take a bit more time and a touch of compromising. Turn to films and books for inspiration, and see what dialogue you find arousing or what characters turn you on. Remember that dressing up is only one element of role play, so if you feel uncomfortable with the idea, think about props, foods, or physical spaces that might take you to another dimension.

Express Your Desires

Feeling embarrassed about vocalising what you want is normal. To overcome this, we suggest you both write down your dream scenarios and fears as a way to approach the conversation. Foster an environment for safe sharing by agreeing beforehand that there will be no judgement or shaming. By communicating openly, you’re sure to find something that tickles both your fantasies. Unless you act for a living, it can feel very awkward and alien stepping into character or putting on an outfit, so give yourself time to test the waters. Window shopping can be a wonderful way to work out what you like, from clothes to kinky gadgets. Perhaps a sexy selfie in the dressing room mirror will help open up a new dialogue with your partner(s). Remember that role play requires a wonderful element of silliness as well as supporting one another on the journey. Be sure to give yourself permission to laugh so as to break the ice and help ease into the moment without any pressure.

Play Time Etiquette

It’s important to acknowledge that the whole idea of role play is that you’re suspending your disbelief. Pretending to be a kitten and asking for a stroke doesn’t make you any less of a respectable human. Quite the contrary; it can help you express different sides to your personality, engage with the multilayered facets of your temperament, and allow for new ways to express your sexuality. Avoid any negative drama by discussing boundaries such as aversion to pain, or certain words and actions that are off limits. Language is super important, so be consciously aware and patient as you unpack anything that may trigger discomfort or painful memories from the past. Take off the pressure by knowing you can go at exactly the right pace that suits you and your partner(s). Just because you like the idea of being told off doesn’t mean you need to be tied to a cross and whipped. A simple phrase such as “good girl” can ignite a spark of dom/sub vibe to transform your sex life. Read ‘BDSM for Beginners’ for more fun ways to step into your power dynamics.

With Me, Myself, And You Too

Role play and dressing up isn’t something to only enjoy with a partner(s). Stepping into your dream character during solo sex is something we encourage too. Allow yourself to fully indulge in whatever you enjoy, from wearing nappies, to transforming yourself into an Alien Planet Goddess. Elevating your imagination through costumes and props can help release higher levels of dopamine and increase your pleasure response to self touch. If you find yourself questioning what turns you on, check out Cheex’s article ‘How Do Fetishes Arise’ to put your mind at ease. Whatever your fantasy, know there’s going to be someone out there who can relate or even help facilitate it. So, whether you’re dreaming of transforming into a 1920s pinup girl, or get horny thinking about the perfect Daddy/Baby relationship, let your deepest desires be unleashed.


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