Role Play and Pleasure: How To Dress Up Your Desires

Role play can be a great way to elevate your sexual pleasure and act out new desires. We look at ways to step into character with confidence.


Celebrating Halloween provides the perfect excuse to sprinkle a little extra spice into your sex life. Use this opportunity to borrow a touch of role play from your costume selection and bring it into the bedroom. Maybe that means putting on your partner(s)’s clothing, rediscovering your sexy kitten outfit or simply sucking on a toffee apple. Whatever the case, here are some more playful suggestions for how you can dip your toes into the enchanting world of role play.

Role Play the Day Away

Role play and dress-up can be wonderful ways to escape the hum-drum and deepen your connection with your partner(s). With that said, going into character or acting out scenarios might seem a bit daunting at first. You’ve got to remember that this is all in the name of fun! Sex allows us to leave the day behind and prioritise our pleasure. Adding a bit of theatricality is just a playful twist on the routine and a great way to tap back into that innocent love for playing games.

Fantasy Inspiration

Dreaming up your ideal fantasy can allow you to tap into interests and desires with more space or safety. This could include power dynamics and punishment (e.g., the “Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf” dynamic), switching gender roles or introducing dirty talk (e.g. “Have you been naughty?”). Remember that finding a fantasy enjoyable for you and your partner(s) might time and some degree of compromise. Take inspiration from films and books, paying attention to the dialogue that you find arousing or the characters that turn you on, for example. Remember that dress-up is only one facet of role play. If the idea of it makes you feel uncomfortable, consider props, foods or physical spaces that might take you to another dimension.

Express Your Desires

It’s completely normal to feel a bit shy about expressing your desires. To make this easier, we recommend both of you start the conversation by jotting down your dream scenarios and your fears. Foster a safe environment for sharing by agreeing in advance that there will be no judgment or shaming. Through honest communication, you’re bound to find something that tickles both your fantasies. Stepping into character or putting on an outfit can feel awkward and alien (unless you’re an actor by trade) so give yourself time to test the waters. Window shopping fantasies can be a wonderful way to work out what you like, whether it’s clothes or kinky gadgets. Perhaps a sexy selfie in the dressing room mirror will help open up a new dialogue with your partner(s). Remember that role play requires a wonderful element of silliness while supporting one another. Permit yourself to laugh; it will help you break the ice and ease into the moment.

Play Time Etiquette

It’s important to acknowledge outright that the whole idea of role play requires suspending disbelief. Pretending to be a kitten asking for a stroke doesn’t won’t diminish your integrity as a person! On the contrary, it can help you express different facets of your personality, engage with the many aspects of your temperament, and discover new expressions of your sexuality. Steer clear of any potential drama by discussing boundaries, such as aversion to pain or words and acts that are off limits. Language is super important, so be both cognisant and patient as you unpack anything that may trigger discomfort or painful memories from the past. Release the pressure by knowing you can go at exactly the right pace that suits you and your partner(s). Just because you like the idea of being playfully scolded doesn’t mean you need to be tied to a cross and whipped. A simple phrase such as “good girl” can ignite a spark of dom/sub vibe to transform your sex life. Read “BDSM for Beginners” for more fun ways to step into your power dynamics.

With Me, Myself, And You Too

Role playing and dressing up don’t only have to be enjoyed with your partner(s). We also encourage stepping into your dream character during solo sex, allowing yourself to fully indulge in whatever you enjoy, from wearing nappies to transforming yourself into a goddess from an alien planet. Engaging your imagination with costumes and props can help release higher dopamine levels and increase your pleasure response to self-touch. If you find yourself questioning what turns you on, check out Cheex’s article “How Do Fetishes Arise” to ease your mind. Whatever your fantasy, know there’s going to be someone out there who can relate or even help facilitate it. So, whether you’re dreaming of transforming into a 1920s pinup girl or getting horny thinking about the perfect Daddy/Baby relationship, let your deepest desires be unleashed.


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