The Pleasure Diaries – Sex After 70

CHEEX and The Pleasure Society invite a series of writers to share their experiences, thoughts, and feelings about how their sexuality has a connection with their age. Or how it doesn’t at all. Our sexuality constantly changes and transforms itself in all kinds of shapes. Deep dive into the lives of four different writers that will take you by the hand in some of the things that have shaped their sexuality today.


From a slow sexual awakening...

I was born in 1947 to Dutch parents during Indonesia’s War of Independence from the Netherlands. I did not receive any sexual education from my family. I remember that the first penis I saw was that of the gardener. I did not know anything about sexuality at the time or even knew that the word existed.

My first awareness of an erection was in school. My hard on was a funny feeling, a squeezing and rather unpleasant sensation. In secondary school I wondered why the boys went after the girls. I did not realize I could go for another boy at the time.

I started to explore my body when my parents were away. I put on my dad’s leather jacket and played with a vibrator. This led to a seminal discharge but I did not understand that this was semen and a natural consequence of my experimentation. I thought something was broken and only later understood.

to an active embracing of my queerness ...

Somewhere between 15 and 17 years old I got to know the word homosexual. I looked it up in an encyclopedia and found a horrible definition like obsessive-compulsive neurosis. I decided this simply wasn’t accurate and searched out other writings on the subject. In Alfred Kinsey’s ‘Sexuality in the Human Male’ I learned homosexuality was a widespread activity among males. I realized that I wanted to know more about it. Michael Schofield’s study ‘Sociological Aspects of Homosexuality’ showed me “normal homosexual” men did not differ from heterosexual men.

Until 1971, homosexual acts between a man over 21 years and one under 21 were forbidden in the Netherlands. This meant I could not enter the dance parties of the COC, an organization of homosexuals. As a result my first homosexual experience was when I was 18 years old and was picked up on the streets and taken home by a student. It was a huge eye-opening experience and big relief. I realized “this is what I have been seeking for a long time”.  I felt love, but this guy had a lover already. Some time later I met my first love, Henk. He was 36 years old and we had to be very careful due to my age. Keeping our relationship secret was easier because I lived in the attic of my parent’s home that had its own separate entrance.

Two years later I became active in a youth gay group organizing integration. At a dance party I met my second love. We lived together for a year and a half. I considered myself “married” although gay marriage wasn’t legalized in the Netherlands until 2001. I was quite surprised when my love told me that from his point of view our relationship was over.

and my kinks.

In the next few years I came across the leather scene and realized I had fantasies of mastering another man by bondage and inflicting pleasure pain. I read many books which helped me come to terms with these feelings and practices. I came to realize that what happens between consenting adults is okay.

I realized I wanted to feel free to have sex whenever I and another person felt the desire to do so. I became a polymorph perverse person. The movie ‘Una giornata particolare’ made me realize short encounters can be intense, precious, worthwhile and valuable as well.

My fourth love relationship included  BDSM which I found exciting. I am now in my sixth love relationship. Recently I celebrated my 75th birthday with my present love and 90 relatives and friends including eight men with whom I have had intimate relationships. It was a wonderful experience to get love and support from such a diverse group of people and to have maintained friendships with my former lovers. 

The Pleasure Society is your sexuality curator in helping you explore your sexuality in the form of pleasure products, services, stories and experiences. They aim to help people open up the conversation around sexuality and believe that art is a fun, expressive and accessible tool to do just that. The artists, writers and content creators of The Pleasure Society all aim to open up the conversation around sexuality in a creative way.

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