Good Threesomes Come To Those Who Wait
It all began in the summer of 2021, when I installed the dating app Feeld. As someone who was curious about the female body and wanting to try something new, I set my dating profile to bi-curious and looked for two things: men, my usual dating preference, and couples. Initially, to explore being intimate with a woman, I thought that dating a couple seemed “safe”, as I already had more experiences with men, and as a couple they would know each other’s bodies and how to give pleasure, which would mean less pressure on me. However, finding the right couple turned out to be challenging, I’d find myself always not attracted to either one of the pair.
In the meantime, I went on meeting different guys; a hot girl summer, from club make-outs, to summery coffee walks to dips in the lakes of Berlin.
Finally on a hot July evening, I was meant to meet up with Micah. Although I didn’t feel like going when the day came and I arrived sweaty from my bike ride midsummer, he was unbothered, waiting with two beers and we hit it off right away. Given that we met through Feeld, we immediately talked very honestly about past experiences and future fantasies, including my desire to be with a woman. Fast forward a few months and Micah and I were on the search to date a girl, a unicorn, to have a threesome together.
Finding a Third
Before starting dating as a pair and connecting our Feeld profiles, we talked openly and honestly about expectations and boundaries, such as not meeting the third person alone at any point, need for protection and so on.
We went on several dates and met many nice and interesting girls, but the sexual attraction just never took off. For a hot minute we even had a chat dynamic with a very submissive person, Samira, who called us mistress and master. It was a lot of fun to take on a domina-like role, but quite frankly, it was also very overwhelming.
Eventually as the weeks passed, I grew impatient and wondered if it would be necessary to be more blunt and just initiate and ask about “going home” on a threesome date, even if the attraction wasn’t quite there yet, fully clothed. Spoiler: Thank goodness we waited!
In January 2022, amidst the dark and cold Berlin winter, we met someone new from Feeld, Aria, at a bar. It was a match, I immediately found her beautiful, very smart and funny and the three of us had a great dynamic. Aria and I kept joking around that Micah was our male-buffer, as we were both bi-curious but also nervous, however saying it out loud made us both feel at ease for what was to come. After an extensive chat, from cultural origins, to politics, to former relationships and current sexual encounters and finishing our wine glasses, we agreed to walk to my flat. The intention was: that there was no intention. It would just be an extension of our chat in the bar. Little did we know that the night would turn into much more.
At home, I turned on ambient lights and lit candles. We got comfortable on the sofa and started playing an adult card game of truth or dare I had lying around (I swear it was just randomly there!). The vibe quickly got hot and then it was only a matter of time until we started kissing and touching each other gently, first me and Micah, Micah and Aria and then also Aria and me.
We moved to the next level, when Micah offered to give us both a massage, but in the bedroom. Aria and I both took our tops off, lying on the bed face down, stealing some sneaky kisses while Micah straddled us, pouring oil over our backs.
I’m gonna skip ahead and let your fantasy fill in the gaps, but eventually, we were all naked and touching each other everywhere. In between, we briefly have a conversation about using protection and when we had last been tested. I would recommend talking about this before and not in the heat of the moment, but better late than never!
The gentle touching and kissing of us three got more intense and whenever I felt like trying something more risky, I asked before going ahead. I say to Aria “Do you like your nipples pulled hard like this?”, “Can I touch you there?”, Micah asks “Do you want to taste my dick?”. Looking back, I think this communication felt so natural (and hot!) because I participated in several consent and communication workshops with Anneli at CHEEX, where I practised these cues in a non-sexual environment.
The hours went on in a beautiful, harmonious, and sensual experience between the three of us, every part always involved and touched to some degree, or if just watching, making eye contact with the other two, never getting into a situation of a third wheel feeling.
In some moments, Aria will stop for a second and look at me for approval when it comes to interactions with Micah, especially when he is about to fuck her, she asks “is it really ok?”
And hell yes it’s ok, it turns me on so much to watch him moan in pleasure.
In the middle of the night, when we are done playing we have an aftercare moment, cuddling all together. I can’t stop smiling thinking about this memory.
Finally Aria gets dressed and walks home, we check in with her to make sure she arrives safely and then go to sleep. We are meeting up again, so to be continued…
A Quick Recap of my Personal Learnings:
- If you are the two inviting the third, have a bluntly honest conversation with your partner about wishes and boundaries. In my case this was the perfect preparation to feel completely comfortable with the threesome dynamic when it came down to it.
- Have patience with the process. I am so happy I did not rush it with any couple or we didn’t jump into anything with the girls we dated, when it didn’t feel right. In the end all pieces came together.
- Practice consent and communication (outside the bedroom). I understand it can feel silly at times or you might think it’s easy to do. But trying to have these conversations in a non-sexual context before actually helped me a lot
- Have fun, try not to be stiff and nervous as much as possible! We giggled quite a lot during the threesome which was a relief and released the tension for everyone.
- Finally: I have some homework to do on how to eat pussy...
CHEEX: Five Tips for Your First Threesome
Attraction
Make sure both of you are truly into the potential partner as well as they are into both of you. Perhaps you could make a list and compare your expectations and attraction beforehand.
Jealousy
Both of you need to feel comfortable with the idea of seeing your partner having sex with another person as well as being watched by your partner or someone else. If this is exciting but intimidating – no worries! Start slowly and communicate to define your boundaries.
Respect
Ever heard of a unicorn? No, not the magical being from children’s tales. It’s a term for a person joining a couple exclusively for sex with no strings attached. Don’t fail to recognize the third as a person and not an object for pleasure. We are all humans, take care of each other.
Coercion
It makes no sense to look for a third if only one of the original two wants them to join. Nobody will have fun if only 66% are on board. Don’t have another person join if you feel persuaded or only do it to make your partner happy. If you don’t feel comfortable, communicate it clearly to your partner.
The Right Fit
Finding the right person to join you can be like looking for a needle in a haystack. Luckily, with today’s apps and online forums (Feeld or 3Fun), it is a lot easier than years ago. Chat, have a wine date, exchange opinions with your partner and then meet up for the big day.
