What is Edging?
Edging is the sexual practice of creating a high level of arousal and then stopping stimulation right at the brink of climax. Also known as peaking, surfing, or teasing, edging is all about experimenting with finding that “ecstatic edge” right before you come. At that moment, you stop, wait, and then repeat for as many cycles as you like.
Edging can be incorporated into solo and partner play for a sustained pleasure practice. Practice is the key word here, as most of us are conditioned to elevate the orgasm or climax to the main goal and can often find ourselves speeding towards the big O in some sort of race. Think of edging as a more mindful marathon.
Why Try Edging?
Communication on a deeper level! And this is not just about talking. Edging is an incredible way to learn about your body. Slowing down to find your sweet spot can support your journey in creating a more intimate dialogue with your body’s responses. This also applies to partnered play, in that those involved are required to pay close attention to each other’s reactions, verbal and non-verbal cues.
Edging can also be integral to reexamining and deconstructing the definition of sex as only being penetrative and focused on the orgasm. By delaying climax, we can explore pleasure as something to savor, become more conscious of, and linger a little longer in lust.
The Physical Aspects of Edging
The four stages of the sexual response cycle include desire, arousal, climax, and resolution. The practice of edging takes place at the peak of arousal right before climax. For vulva owners, this means the physical delay of a clitoral or G-spot orgasm. For penis owners, edging is stopping an ejaculative orgasm. This can make the assist in sustaining erections longer and for some, can also help with premature ejaculation. It’s considered safe as a sexual practice.
Staying with desire and arousal can lead to discovering waves of whole body pleasure and more powerful orgasms once you decide to spill over the climactic cliff.
How To Do Edging
Since edging is a practice, solo play can be a more comfortable beginning for experimentation. Plus, edging adds variety to your masturbation sessions by switching up your self pleasure script and trying out new ways to turn yourself on. Let go of expectation and welcome some gentle patience. Here are some tips to help find your erotic edge.
- Set a seductive scene for yourself. Since edging is a practice in patience, make the time and space special.
- Explore sensations with oil, self-massage or ice. This can help with mindfulness and paying close attention to the sensations in your body.
- Experiment with using different stimulation techniques. Always use your right hand? Try your left. Are toys your immediate go to? Try fingering yourself in different patterns.
- Notice how you get aroused. Are your nipples hard? Is your breathing different? As you near climax, what is happening in your body?
- Right before climax, stop any stimulation. Focus on your breath. Wait about 30 seconds.
- Repeat as many times as you like. When you do come, what’s the orgasm like? Is it different? Or maybe the afterglow period is? Take a moment to reflect.
Edging and Partner Play
Edging with a partner can take different forms. Maybe you want to start with mutual masturbation as a way of sharing the experience together. If you opt for interactive sex where you are going to edge your partner, always make sure there is consent first.
Like edging in solo sex, see if you can stretch out the desire and arousal space. Making out, heavy petting, licking and sucking – are there ways to connect that can offer new pathways to pleasure?
Stay present with your partner. Professional dominatrix and body coach Tischa Thomas offers “It’s observing their body language and how it’s functioning, their breathing and what their eyes are telling you. It’s watching and listening and feeling all at once.”
Your partner can also use verbal cues as simple as “I’m about to come” to signal the brink is near. And just like solo play, stop any stimulation and wait. For penis owners, they can gently squeeze the tip of the penis to stave off ejaculation. And then begin again. The length of time and how many cycles of repeat are up to you.
Edging and Orgasm Denial
“Edging extends the session and gives it peaks and valleys with intensity. As Mistress, you can stretch it out as long as you want.” -Tischa
Edging can also be a part of power play and BDSM. Although edging might be integral to orgasm denial, riding the wave with edging usually leads to climax. Orgasm denial and orgasm control might mean total denial of orgasm for the entire session. Being the ‘edger’ or the one denying orgasms “helps flex that muscle of authority, especially as a woman or someone not allowed to be in a position of power”, Tischa explains. For the one being denied, she has noticed “it can be intoxicating to some people…the buildup of getting ready to come and then being denied can be euphoric.”
Whether it be BDSM play, masturbation, or partnered sex, edging centers on communication. And really, this is a skill that might arguably be just as important as discovering more intense orgasms and pleasure. Our sexual selves are simultaneously complex and subtle with layers of information to be unearthed. Edging offers a way into these spaces as we listen, observe and experience our erotic edge.
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