Why upgrade your oral sex skills? Because eating out is one of the top ways that many vulvas orgasm! Learning skills for eating out can help you give your partner more pleasure, keep things interesting and help you get more pleasure from giving. While tongue techniques are important for eating out, there are other valuable skills – like understanding vulva stimulation, avoiding common eating out mistakes and partner communication skills.
New to eating out? We debunk 3 common myths:
1. Harder and Faster Is Better
Not always. Sometimes harder and faster can lead to too much friction or overstimulation of an area. Check-in with your partner to see what they need or like. Sometimes, building pleasure through increasing and decreasing speed or pressure might create more arousal.
2. Good Hygiene Means Odourless
Vulvas do not need to smell like soap or flowers for you to eat them out. There is so much pressure for vulvas to be hairless and scentless. Vulvas are a body part, in a dark, warm area of the body for most of the day. It is natural for bodies to have scent. Some people enjoy heightened scents as something erotic. Even with good hygiene, body parts have a natural scent.
3. Direct Stimulation to the Clitoris Is Best
For some people direct stimulation feels amazing and for other people it is too intense. You can start with indirect stimulation to the sides of the clitoris or kissing and sucking through the clitoral hood. As the body gets aroused, more blood flow reaches the vulva and there is an increased sensitivity to stimulation.
4 Techniques For Eating Out
When trying new techniques, go slow and give the receiver’s body a chance to sink into the rhythm of the technique before moving to the next one. Keep the intensity low, and build up as your partner’s body responds. Here are four techniques to try:
Clit Kisses
Use your lips to give kisses to the clitoris. Keep the kisses wet and alternate between fast and slow, explore pressure, lingering, and pauses. This technique is great for people who do not like direct or pointy stimulation to the clit because it uses the lips.
Labia Licks
Use a flat tongue to give long or short, soft or hard, licks to the inner and outer labia. Start with outer and move inward when your partner is ready. Explore directions of licking – up and down or side to side. Get sensual by starting at the bottom of one side and lick all the way up, then kiss down the middle and lick from the bottom of the other labia side all the way up and repeat as slowly as your partner likes.
Oval Oral
Use the tip of the tongue and create ovals that get bigger or smaller from the clit to the bottom of the labia. Try pausing at the top or the bottom of each Oral Oval to emphasise sensation in those spots. You can play with speed, pressure and direction – explore half Oral Ovals or inner to outer ovals. If your tongue gets tired, try using the tip of your nose or pursed lips to make ovals on the vulva.
Oral-penetration Combo
Using fingers or sex toys (like dildos or vibrators), you can give dual internal and external stimulation during oral sex. Check in with your partner before penetrating them, some people love it and other people find penetration distracting or overwhelming during oral.
3 Common Eating Out Problems
Being a good giver also means being aware of what gets in the way of your pleasure. These are four common problems that givers experience when eating out:
Tired Tongue
Try moving your face instead of your tongue – stick your tongue out, but not all the way, and nod your head to lick instead of licking with your tongue. This can give your tongue a break and put a little power behind your licks if you want to give more intensity.
Dry Mouth
Stay hydrated. Keep room temperature beverages nearby. Experiment with flavoured lubes (flavoured with stevia, not sugar to reduce chance of infections) on the vulva to take the pressure off of your saliva supply.
Not Sure What's Working?
It is easy to lose confidence when you are trying and you are not sure if they like what you are doing. Invite communication before, during or after eating out so you can get a better sense of what is working. It can feel vulnerable for some people to share what they like or they may be worried that you might feel criticised. Be affirming and encouraging of their feedback so you can feel confident in the direction of your techniques.
Best Positions for Eating Out
There are lots of position options for eating out, but what works for one body may not work for every body. Try these popular positions:
- Kneeling or lying between their legs. In this position the receiver is either lying on
their back or sitting up leaning back with their legs spread and the giver is positioned between their legs. It is easy to get a sore neck in this position, so try kneeling by the side of the bed with your partner on the bed on their back. Propping a pillow under their pelvis can also create a better angle for the giver’s neck.
- From behind. The receiver can be on all fours or they can be lying on their stomach
with a pillow propped underneath the pelvis. The perineum (the space between the anus and the vagina) is nerve rich and is easily licked or massaged in this position.
- 69 or Face sitting. Decide ahead of time how you will communicate non-verbally if
the giver on the bottom needs to stop. You can agree to two taps on the leg, or a pinch on the bum, for example. Dual stimulation in 69 can feel exciting or overwhelming. Face sitting can be tough on the knees or hips for some people, and this stress on the body might become a distraction from orgasm.
Tune Into Your Partner’s Pleasure
Approach eating out with curiosity about your partner’s pleasure. It is great to have techniques, but tuning into how your partner’s body is responding is going to give you important information about their pleasure. What does it look or sound like if they are not having a great time? Talk to each other about what the signs of pleasure are so you can look out for them.
Communicate while eating out too. Pause and ask your partner things like:
- Faster or slower?
- Harder or softer?
- Squeeze my hand when something feels really good/not good
- Grind against my face when you’re ready to orgasm
There is also a communication opportunity post-eating out. Talk about your favourite parts and what you would like more of next time. Inviting communication can be an opportunity to support each other’s pleasure. Stay curious and stay connected for mutually pleasurable eating out.
