How to be Sexually Empowered?

One of my favourite sexuality coaches once mentioned, “Sexual empowerment is vast and complex—not a linear graph, not a one-way street, but an ever-unfolding prism.”

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The question of “how to be sexually empowered” is not an easy one to answer, as empowerment stems from various techniques, and what works for one person may not work for another. Plus, sexual empowerment may differ from the empowerment we seek in our day-to-day lives. How do we switch our confidence from the outside world to the inside, intimate world? In our day-to-day lives, we have become heads bobbing around, trying to find our bodies when we get a moment to breathe.

Modern life, as we know it, involves a lot of thinking, melted with social, cultural and political anxiety. I once passed by a yoga studio with a sign that read, “Be a human being, not a human doing”. I walked past, grinning, and then my grin gave way to an enigmatic shock. The statement is too true. We have shifted into a mode of constant doing, creating a rift between ourselves and our bodies, which separates us from fuller sexual empowerment.

Having worked with coaching clients and dedicating my career to those striving to be sexually empowered, I’ve come to realize that the journey to being sexually empowered starts with the fusion of your mind and body. Sometimes, it involves not just embodying but also disembodying. Below, I’ll list some other ways to connect with your most sexually empowered self.

Disclaimer: These practices can be done in any order and do not apply to any particular gender or sexuality.

Activate Desire

After a long day of work, where you’ve been occupied with thinking about others, envisioning the future, managing transportation and being your very best self, it’s time to settle into ‘YOU’ completely. I truly believe this is the starting line for feeling ‘sexually empowered’. It’s about reclaiming what makes your body tick. It’s about radically accepting your body, in whatever form it comes.

1. Get to Know Your Body: Laying Foundations

How Can We Do That?

Find a quiet place; a soft place. Get yourself a glass of water, and switch on the playlist that makes you pump, grind and grip. You know that feeling when you are close to a speaker at a festival and your body is reverberating? (Note: I could tell you what that sometimes does to me, but then this would become erotica!) Try to find music that replicates that feeling.

Now, draw a line with your finger to every part of your body that you can touch. Give your body soft grasps and then little prods, moving in and out of tension relief. Then, stop touching your body and just lie down. You will feel your body buzzing with your touches. Try to clasp the energy to your skin, push it into your body and mindfully release those energetic buzzes, like liquid lava throughout your blood. You will be pumping. There we have it: the foundations of electricity to harness your body’s very realness.

You will be shocked at how good it feels to then stand, almost as if you have been granted a new lease of life.

Other ways of getting to know your body:

Create Your Sexual Practice

2. Write and Understand Your Sexual Script: Setting the Stage (no performance required)

How? Communication and Understanding.

Now you’ve connected to your body, it’s time to dip into your past, open yourself up, and get ready to realise what makes you and your partners (past/present) feel more inspired and more empowered.This is the part where you find out what you enjoy and what brings you the most pleasure. Read up about your anatomy. Your partners should do the same. Understand them and understand yourself. This will be the start of understanding your sexual skills to embody within your sexual practice.Look at these educative platforms for help:

Sexual empowerment is also about communication. Talk to your partners about their desires, remembering that your pleasure is just as important as your partner’s and one should not be prioritised above the other.

Taking ownership of your sexual empowerment is all wrapped up in understanding your sexual script. Choice and consent are a huge and necessary part of this. To know your choices, you could make a “Sex recipe” for yourself, adding in experiences of the past and what you would like for the future. Put these titles as questions and answer them to gain a better understanding of yourself.

  1. What does sexual empowerment feel like?
  2. When have I felt the most sexually empowered?
  3. What made me feel that way?
  4. What is my sexuality and gender identity? Are they rigid? Or fluid?
  5. Is anything stopping me from feeling sexually empowered?
Have a go, and explore these questions yourself! Afterwards, you can also write more questions for yourself.

It will then be easier to be sexually empowered because you have taken steps to:

All too much?

I hope you’re ready to embark on a journey toward greater sexual empowerment. Keep in mind that this journey is not a “linear graph”.

This is all easier said than done. Often the real blockages from feeling sexually empowered stem from feelings of shame and past traumas, and dismantling these layers may take time. If you are still struggling to empower yourself through these methods, consider seeking help from a coach or therapist who can guide you and share the responsibility.

Here are some recommended therapists and coaches:

Enjoy your sexual empowerment journey!

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