‘How to be sexually empowered’, is not an easy question to answer, as a lot of segments of empowerment are sourced from multiple different techniques and your way may not be someone else’s. Then ‘sexual empowerment’ is not always the same as the one we aim for in ‘day to day life’ life. How do we switch our confidence from the outside world to the inside, intimate world? In day to day life we have become heads bobbing around, trying to find our bodies when we get a moment to breathe. Modern life, as we know it, involves a lot of thinking, melted with social, cultural and political anxiety. I saw a yoga studio have the sign, ‘‘be a human being, not a human doing’, I walked past grinning and then moving my grin into an enigmatic shock. It is too true. We have moved into doing, and that separates us from our body. It separates us from being ‘fully’ sexually empowered.
After having worked with coaching clients and spent my career so far working with those empowered to be sexual, I have understood that ‘to be sexually empowered’ begins with the fusing of your mind to your body, and sometimes not ‘embodying’ but ‘disembodying’. I will then list some other ways of connecting to your most sexually empowered self.
Disclaimer: These practices can be done in any order and do not apply to any particular gender or sexuality.
After a long day of work, where you have been having to think about others, dream about the future, worked out transport and been your very best self, it’s time to settle into ‘YOU’ fully. I truly believe this is the starting line for feeling ‘sexually empowered’. It is about reclaiming what makes your body tick. It is about radically accepting your body; however it is and whatever form it comes in.
1. Get to Know Your Body: Laying Foundations
How Can We Do That?
Find a quiet place; a soft place. Get yourself a glass of water, and switch on the playlist that makes you pump, grind and grip. You know that feeling when you are close to a speaker at a festival and your body is reverbarating? (I could tell you what that sometimes does to me, but then this would become erotica!) Try find music that replicates that feeling.
Now, draw a line with your finger to every part of your body that you can touch. Give your body soft grasps and then little prods, moving in and out of tension relief. Then, stop touching your body and just lie down. You will feel your body buzzing with your touches. Try to clasp the energy to your skin and push it into your body and mindfully release those energetic buzzes, like liquid lava throughout your blood. You will be pumping. There we have it, laying foundations of electricity to harness your bodies very realness.
You will be shocked at how good it feels to then stand, almost as if you have been granted a new lease of life.
Other ways of getting to know your body:
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2. Write and Understand Your Sexual Script: Setting the Stage (no performance required)
How? Communication and Understanding.
Now that your body has been connected to, it is time to dip into your past, open yourself up, and get ready to realise what makes you and your partners (past/present) feel more inspired and obviously more empowered.
This is the part where you find out what you enjoy and what brings you the most pleasure. Read up about your anatomy and your partners also. Understand them and understand yourself. This will be the start of understanding your sexual skills to embody within your sexual practice.
Look at these educative platforms for help:
Sexual empowerment is also about communication. Talk to your partners about their desires, remembering all the time that your pleasure is just as important as your partner’s and one should not be prioritised above the other.
Taking ownership of your sexual empowerment is all wrapped up on understanding your sexual script. Choice and consent are a huge and necessary part of this. To know your choices, you could make a ‘Sex recipe’ for yourself, adding in experiences of the past and what you would like for the future. Put these titles as questions and answer them to gain a better understanding of yourself.
- What Does Sexual Empowerment Mean to Me? (what works what does not)
- When Have I Felt Most Sexually Empowered and What were the Factors That Made Me So?
- What is My Sexuality Orientation and Gender Identity? (rigid… fluid?)
- What, If Anything, is Stopping Me From Feeling Sexually Empowered?
Have a go, and from your research you can also write more questions for yourself.
It will then be easier to be sexually empowered because you have taken steps to:
All too much?
I hope you are feeling ready to get a little more sexually empowered. Remember the quote at the beginning. The journey to get more sexually empowered is not a ‘linear graph’.
This is all easier said than done. Often the real blockages from feeling sexually empowered are based in shame and trauma. Unfortunately this can mean that many layers have been built up over time. If you are still struggling to empower yourself via these methods, a coach, or therapist can help and take the responsibility of yourself. Some great therapists/coaches for these are as follows:
Enjoy your sexual empowerment journey!