What I found most interesting in the conversations I have had, was learning about the different ways that pornography was used by other aegosexual people to enhance their sexual experiences. When you are a sex-adverse asexual person with a libido, it can be difficult to know how to channel your undirected desires effectively. “As an aego, I do have a sexuality that begs to be expressed. As an ace, that’s not going to happen without a healthy dose of fictional erotica,” Claire articulated. While, for Aaliyah, porn simply sped up the process of “cleaning out the pipes,” for Maria, it’s a way for her to “explore” her sexuality without needing a partner: “Porn helps me to understand and normalise different types of sexual expressions.” Porn has also become a learning experience for Jesy, “It helps me understand what desires others feel. It’s more about seeing/hearing/reading the emotion or feeling behind it in general.”
Daniel explained that while he himself does not want to experience sex, seeing the eyes of the performers become profoundly alive in those rare, genuine videos helps him experience “a sense of longing and wonder that is mostly absent in real life.” For Daniel, that moment alone is something he considers worth experiencing “for it’s own sake.” Other aeogsexuals also opened up about the mental health benefits they have gained from consuming explicit content. For Gerard, who is autistic and has ADHD, porn helped him to relieve stress. He also said that it gave him a “higher self-esteem or at least a moment of self-appreciation for I am able to pleasure myself without a partner.”
Jonathan is an aegosexual transguy and a survivor of sexual trauma, who now creates pornographic art. “I can put characters in situations and scenarios similar to what I went through, but they can take back control or they can have a happy ending. Really, the opportunities are endless, and I absolutely love hearing from fans or clients that my content has helped them or made them feel happy.” For 47-year-old Lisa, porn helped her to stop feeling like there was something wrong with her. Masturbation is the only way that she can truly be pleasured, and it took her many years to learn that ‘softer’ pornographic scenes were the only thing that turned her on. “I’ve never shared this with anyone until now, so I hope my experience will help someone else not feel like something is wrong with them. I am happy to have found a community where I fit in and don’t feel alone. I can be myself without fear of judgment. I am me, and I am proud!”
For Christine, the detachment and the “inbetweenness” of watching porn makes it the place she feels “the safest and most comfortable to feel sexual pleasure and to just be myself.”
That is my motivation for writing this article. As an ace person (aegosexual or not) it’s common to feel like you are not experiencing sexuality the right way, even within your own community. But everyone experiences sexuality in a unique, complex and multilayered way. The ace experience of pornography can be a complicated one, but it can also be a liberating one, and there is nothing wrong with that.
