From innocent flirting via dating apps, to sexy pics and naked skype calls, cybersex is a whole world of kinky play. It’s obvious that we live in an age where our intimate connections take place over the internet as much as they do IRL. Those long months of lockdown proved just how easy it is to interact and get those libido kicks online. However, protecting yourself and your privacy is essential for helping you relax into the moment without undue concern. We look at ways to engage in cybersex without it biting you on the bum and the whole world finding out what you’re up to.
Cybersex Security Settings
Using the same password for everything can make your life easier but it doesn’t do much to protect you from hackers. Make sure you’re jazzing up the letters and numbers for extra security, and if necessary, create an anonymous email account that’s not tied to your name or work. This can help separate you and your professional life from any images or videos getting leaked.
It’s safer to use your phone when engaging with your cybersex network as they’re designed to be more secure with less risk of being hacked or susceptible to bad software. Always update your phone and computer settings to protect yourself from viruses or computer bugs. And make sure you’re not being tracked or listened to without your knowledge by turning off your location, and only use bluetooth when completely necessary. You can elevate your security with Virtual Private Networks (VPN) which mask your IP address making your online activity very difficult to trace. Good VPN don’t tend to be free but investing in an annual subscription is definitely worth the money if you’re wanting to keep yourself hidden while using public internet connections.
Try as much as possible to use encrypted networks. This means your messages, video chats and phone calls only exist on your device. We recommend encrypted apps like Signal, FaceTime and Skype that offer end-to-end encryption, meaning your call will be wrapped in super-strong protection. Be wary of spaces like Whatsapp or Zoom where the lack of encryption can create scenarios where unnamed third parties can eavesdrop or listen in on what you’re doing.
And finally, check those privacy settings! This can feel like a ball-ache but remember, privacy and security settings matter if you don’t want your data (age, address, name, sexual preferences, location, personal info) to be sold to other companies. Remember, if you’re not paying for a service, you and your information are most likely the product being sold.
Sending Nudes Safely
Sharing and sending kinky pics can be a brilliant way to arouse and connect with your cyberlovers. However, if someone asks for a naked selfie, presume they’re not the only one getting an insight into your beauty. Keeping your identity hidden by disguising your face and any unique features such as freckles, tattoos, scars or piercings will help distance yourself from the image. Additionally, if you are building a consensual relationship with someone online, make sure you discuss your joint terms of cyber protection. Ask what each other’s privacy needs and settings are and check first before recording, sharing, or screenshotting calls and images. This is important regarding the bond of trust you create, protecting one another in a respectful and consensual way. Read more about how to get cybersexy in this CHEEX manual.
If someone leaks your pictures and videos, firstly, don’t panic. Make sure you have records of who you sent them to as proof of who may have shared them. Then take screenshots showing the full URL of the site your images or films have been shared on. Report it directly to the site or social media platform so they can remove the visuals, because, in most cases, they will have policies against revenge porn. However, the threat of someone sharing your private images can be as scary as the act itself so knowing the laws that protect you can help calm the nerves. Revenge porn is legally considered a crime in countries around Europe, America, Australasia and Asia, and prosecution can result in jail time, community service, restraining orders and monetary compensation.
On a personal note, as someone who receives uninvited messages and mean comments on a daily basis, do not feed the fire. The best way to deal with cyber trolls is to ignore and block them. It can be difficult, stressful, and financially draining to get a restraining order against someone, and sadly physical harm needs to be caused and proven to push this forward. Creating a safe bubble for you to live in can save yourself from harmful mental and emotional stress. For more help you can visit cybercivilrights.org and search for revenge porn helplines.
Moving from offline to online should be an exciting time, however, protecting yourself from any danger is crucial. Be wary of relationships that resist moving to IRL or video chats after a certain amount of time as catfishing is a very real thing. When the time comes to meet face to face, arrange your date in a public space you feel safe in and tell a friend where you’ll be and when. Communicate clearly with your cyber lover what you expect from this first meeting to make sure none of your boundaries will be crossed. You can do this by explaining you’d like to have coffee as friends first, to see if the chemistry is there, and if it feels right, then you can arrange a second date.
In a time of dating apps and meeting new folk online, it’s important to respect each other’s decision regarding choice and communication. No means no. If someone keeps knocking on your social media doors, remember you can block, restrict and report those giving you unwanted attention. With so much of our lives being shared online, be aware that once you’ve posted something into the void of social media and apps, anyone can use or misuse it. Be sure to never post your location in real time and be aware to not show any details such as your house number, street name, or picture of your home. If in doubt, ask yourself, ‘am I comfortable if a stranger saw this?’ before sharing something personal.