How to be cybersexy: 8 tips for digital sex

The contact restrictions due to COVID-19 aren’t exactly fun - especially for those of us who are single! This made us wonder, how we can still meet new people without spreading the virus?

The solution: digital dating. Tinder & Co. seem to be making a real comeback right now. I am back in the game and find out that there really is something going on!

Most of us spend more time on our cell phones than ever before, the so-called “real life” no longer is a source of distraction and the desire for intimacy is so huge because of social isolation. There’s an actual craving for the ideal basic requirements of getting to know someone.

While remaining half serious and half ironic, I write “CS only” (CS = cybersex) in my Tinder bio. In the subsequent incoming messages, I quickly realize that digitally mediated sex practices are new territory for many. So if you don’t want to put yourself at risk of getting infected, yet chatting or having a distanced walk don’t seem to do the trick, here are: 

8 sex tips with no risk of infection!

# 1 Consent is the absolute 101

First of all, it should be very clear that both parties involved are interested in an online sexual encounter. Unsolicited dickpics are as out of place here as they would usually be. Either you directly ask whether the other person is into receiving a sexy pic, or see if the mood of the conversation naturally flows into a sexting vibe. Consent and having a feeling about the other person’s limits are particularly important for online sex as some signs of non-verbal communication are slightly more difficult to pick up on.

# 2 Which kind of cybersex suits me?

There are numerous ways by which you can enjoy a digital sexy time… Whether it’s sexting, skypesex or some dirty talk on the phone – only by giving it a try can you find out what turns you on. Either simultaneous masturbation or the creation of a common fantasy are the two variants when it comes to virtual sex: What would you do to each other if you could be with each other now? Designing a sort of script for your next meeting that you can start looking forward to now. There are near to no limits to your imagination. That being said, you must pay attention to the communication you’re having with the other person: get the hint when someone doesn’t answer a specific message and draw a line then and there. Another very important thing to remember is that just because something has been written, doesn’t necessarily mean it must be reenacted in real life: Consent must be obtained again and again. 

# 3 Send Nudes (safely)

Let’s take a little detour and just make a stop to talk about data security. Especially in the case you don’t know the other person well, you should be sending your sexy vibes to them as safely as possible. The most important thing here is to remain anonymous: hide your face, tattoos, birthmarks or any other defining features which could help identify you when you send nudes. Also pay attention not to let any objects from your apartment show up in the pics you send, such as furniture or family pics laying around in the background.  And last but not least, be careful no important documents show up: a letter, bank statement or credit card that someone may just be able to zoom in on.

Also, there are some apps which are just safer to use. Try out Signal and Telegram instead of Whatsapp, Instagram, Snapchap or Facebook Messenger. Signal, Telegram and the Wire app have end-to-end encryption, secret chats, self-destruction timers for messages, a block on screenshots and give you the option of hiding your phone number.

# 4 From texting to sexting

An easy way to steer the conversation into the right direction is the simple “What are you doing?” question followed by a description of what you are yourself doing in that moment, for example: “I’m lying in bed…”. When the vibe is right and the mood is there, the rest just happens naturally. Those who are into it and like it very directly will describe what they imagine, for example: “I would really like to touch you now…”. 

# 5 How to keep the conversation going

Many of you may be wondering, how to answer and what if I don’t know what to say / write? Here are a few suggestions to keep the flow going: 

Ask questions : “How does it feel for you?”, “What would you like to do with me now?”

Make suggestions: “I would like XY now…”, “Then we could do XY.” 

Describe what is happening: “It feels so good!”, “I am so wet / hard.” 

Watch a porno together: One person chooses the film and sends the link to the other.

Read out erotic texts to each other

If you don’t like something, say it openly and honestly: “I don’t think I like it that much, but how about XY?” 

# 6 Hotline Bling

Phone sex sounds kind of ‘90s, but is still cutting edge. If you’ve already checked out CHEEX’s audio section, you already must know how stimulating sounds can be.  Telling someone on the phone what you’d like to do together or by sending a voice message is an incredibly sensual experience and can feel more natural that texts or Skypesex. Also, our imagination is really stimulated and more vivid without visual stimuli and this can lead to a complete new level of arousal! Try it out! Especially if you know each other a little, a sexy surprise call during home office or while isolation can be super exciting.

# 7 How to Turn yourself on first! 

Taking sexy pics needs to be learnt and can be really empowering! It’s helpful to start by taking a few nudes just for yourself – preferably in front of a mirror and with great lighting. Put something on that makes you feel sexy, maybe poor yourself a glass of wine and show yourself your inner most sensual side. Quickly you’ll find out how you prefer to stage yourself for nudes and you can share your newfound knowledge with others. The whole thing can be done on photos, videos or even GIFs – start getting creative!

Even if a second person is involved: take your time with the nudes! Finding the right angle takes practice and time and you have to love the result (waiting can also be very sexy).

Another tip : Nudes don’t necessarily have to naked! By cropping photos, you can stage certain bits of your body while the rest can be left to the imagination and guessed. You can rest assured: more pics will be requested!

# 8 Skypedate gone HOT

If you don’t have a problem explicitly lounging around in front of the webcam, you will have a lot of fun here. Sex via Skype, Facetime, Google Hangout etc. can be a great way for visual people who feel good in front of the camera to see what turns them on. For this, it’s difficult to remain anonymous and prevent secret filming of the other person’s screen. So the best thing is to only go for it when you really trust the other person. An innocent Skypedate can be redirected into the right direction by simple hints or an unexpected nipple flash. Same as with taking pictures, good lighting is recommended: atmospheric but bright enough to guarantee great views. 

A tip for everyone who doesn’t feel that comfortable in front of the camera: looking into each other’s eyes through the webcam while masturbating, can make you reach some whole new levels of intimacy. 

All tips can of course be used when social distancing is over (in long-distance relationships for example) and are guaranteed to enrich your sex life!!

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on whatsapp
Share on email
Share on telegram
#uncensoredme
We are trying to build a community to unite those curious about sexual stimulation and education on Social Media. But unfortunately, we keep being confronted with limitations. Find out what it means to get shadowbanned, censored or banned.
#uncensoredme
Social Media giants such as Instagram and Facebook are elementary for many sexworkers, but it is dangerous to trust them. Performer and writer Nina Sever tells us how it feels to get banned and what we can do against censorship.
#uncensoredme
In late September 2020, the Facebook algorithm removed a picture of onions because of the 'overtly sexual manner' they were positioned. While this anecdote probably makes you smile because of its absurdity, the following findings from PhD student Amélie Heldt won't.