Let’s get something straight: fantasising about scenarios involving submission, forced stripping or being tied up doesn’t imply a desire for those fantasies to come true. It doesn’t signify a longing to become submissive nor does it negate your strength, beauty, and independence. We live in a world where sexual fantasies, whether confined to your thoughts or portrayed in porn, are often stigmatised and deemed shameful—especially if they revolve around scenarios you’d never want to experience. It’s crucial to recognise the value of our fantasies and appreciate their existence. They can foster curiosity and contribute to the richness of diversity.
The creativity of the sexual mind can help you express all parts of yourself
A recent conversation with my partner sparked my interest in this matter. He expressed surprise at my support for diverse sexual fantasies. To him, it felt wrong and lacked arousal. He felt it shouldn’t be consumed, citing an example of rape porn.
I believe it’s counterproductive to shame anyone for their sexual fantasies, and I don’t think it’s healthy to suppress them. Still, our conversation prompted me to explore the spectrum of sexual fantasies, leading me to watch some forced porn. Many videos I encountered were playful, sexy and almost cheeky in their approach to the “forced” element. However, there were also videos depicting rape scenes devoid of pleasure, playfulness, or anything resembling consent. These particular videos left me feeling more anxious than aroused. Certain websites showcased content reminiscent of the rape scene from “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” rather than consensual and pleasurable exploration.
Forced Porn: A Question of Consent
I asked myself whether one’s preferences determine the acceptability of porn fantasies or if there are limits to the shameless fantasy world I envision for our future. And what would that mean? Who decides if a fantasy is deemed “okay,” “normal,” or “accepted”?
Looking for insight, I spoke to Anna Dillinger, a sex counsellor and life coach.
Dillinger emphasised that as long as your fantasies don’t become burdensome—constantly occupying your thoughts throughout the day or restricting arousal to a single, rigid scenario—go ahead and enjoy the porn you watch and the fantasies you have. If these fantasies evolve into desires, you can explore them in a safe space, engaging in role-playing with a partner. This safe space involves establishing boundaries, agreements, and consent, with the actual location being a matter for you and your partner(s) to decide.
Given the sensitive nature of this topic:
Modern civilisation has long been dominated by people with penises who’ve adopted the identity of “man”. It’s important that everyone challenging patriarchal structures broadly target their efforts to the world of porn, specifically, keeping in mind that emancipation from these structures may also entail liberation from the pressure to conform to a singular identity. Over the past few months, I’ve realised that I don’t always possess a singular truth. That’s another thing we aren’t taught growing up—that you can be a striking powerhouse and, at the same time, a dirty little whore or a trophy spouse or a lazy robot. You can have multiple truths, and they can all exist simultaneously without contradicting.
So dive deeper into your fantasy world and find out what turns you on and what gives you pleasure. Don’t let your mind interfere with your sexual fantasies.
