Those of us who masturbate usually have their pleasure routine down. This routine includes not more nor less than exactly what we need to get aroused and to reach orgasm. Although it is not unusual to find it difficult to orgasm or to not know how to get there. “Whatever works” can be easily applied to our solo sex game and if it feels good, why change it, right? But what would happen if you tried a different approach? If these lines have piqued your interest, this article is for you.
As a sexologist working with clients, it is important to me to value any sexual resources one has, and a solid masturbation routine is one of them! So, it is less about leaving your existing skills and your pleasure-routine behind and more about experimenting with moving your body, observing sensations, and feeling your desire and your pleasure. It can be interesting to understand the way your body, mind and arousal are connected to each other. This is the first step to influence or change the way you perceive or enjoy something when it comes to sex.
So, let’s get started with a hands-on and body-oriented approach! Not everything is for everyone — as we all have a different sexual system — but you might find something interesting for yourself to play around with.
1. Take more time for the build-up (but not too much!)
You might have noticed that starting slow – some people call it foreplay – can make a difference. People who prefer coming straight to the point don’t take advantage of the time span before orgasm: it simply does not make sense to their sexual system. It usually means that they have not had positive experiences with a different way of building up sexual tension yet. To speak in a neuronal language: there is no pathway that connects a certain action with the feeling of arousal yet. Luckily, connections or new roads can be paved at any time in our life: they start out as small pathways but – with enough meaningful repetition – they can develop into a road that is easy to drive on.
Tip: Integrate more foreplay into your solo sex
Take about 3 to 5 minutes to touch or move your body in a different way. That can mean stimulating the skin around your genitals, leaving out the usual spots. Explore as far away from your genitals as you can while keeping some excitement – or use any of the inspirations listed below. Important: after these 3-5 minutes (or longer, if you feel like it) resume with what you know best. Prolonging the build-up can give you more intense pleasure and orgasms – it’s worth a try!
2. Breathwork works!
We “do” sex with our bodies. Our mind often jumps in with fantasies or thoughts, at times supporting, other times limiting; The mind is powerful and because we use it a lot in our day to day, it can be liberating to shift the focus to our body to really let pleasure fill us up. Breathing helps with that. Breathing deeply also affects the blood flow, which is generally helpful for genital erection. Start by breathing deep into your belly, perhaps putting one hand just below your belly button. Then try imagining your breath going even deeper, arriving at your pelvis and genitals. Do this before, during, or after masturbating and notice how it feels.
3. Swing your hips!
Another powerful body-tool is movement. To set things in motion can change your whole perception – except for their hands, most people rarely move their body when having solo sex. Our hip region includes our genitals and the pelvic floor, so let’s get moving: Imagine doing cat-cow (a yoga pose) while laying on your back with your feet on the floor. Keep your bum on the floor and imagine tilting your hips forward and backwards, as if you were pouring a little bit of liquid out and then drawing it back in. After getting used to it you can play around with speed, rhythm or synchronizing your breath and observe how it changes your sensations. By the way, this can also be a good idea for partnered sexual activities. A lot of people do this intuitively or use it as a turn-on for themselves.
4. Do a little dance…
This is the extended version of the above-mentioned hip-swing: Imagine listening to a really good, sexy song – actually, putting on some music might also help – and do a little dance in your favorite solo sex position. If you are laying on your back, you can smoothly move your hips from right to left, in circles, or front to back. Use your upper body and head to try out some flowy motions. Slowly moving through honey can be a good image to get into cohesive movements that can overall improve your flow of arousal. Pay attention to thoughts or images that might come up during your dance – they often fit and enhance the sexy mood.
5. The smuggle-technique
All the mentioned ideas and little exercises only make sense, if you try to slowly introduce them into your routine instead of replacing your usual routine with only new stuff – or too much of it. This is the secret of change: small steps, smuggle them in, repeat. It takes some time to develop new habits and we all know the frustration when it’s not happening as fast as we want it to. So, start with one little “new” thing and try to include it into your solo sex routine for a minute. Then go back to “normal”. If you ever feel your desire diminishing (this will happen, if you suddenly change things) stop and get back to what you are used to until you feel it coming back. Then start from the beginning. That way, you can slowly integrate and connect the new techniques with the old feeling of arousal and expand your sexual horizon.
Have fun discovering!
