threesome

Sex Tales: Sex with Friends, Threesome

Threesomes come up in my mind often, and the lines between love, respect and intimacy are so blurred.

On a warm summer night in a park in Berlin I was hanging out with two friends. When doing my research for articles, I like speaking to friends about their experience and process my own experience or desires with them. So, I spoke to two friends about this article on threesomes and asked them if they’ve had it with friends and a stranger or even two complete strangers before. Did that just make it a little bit awkward? It might have, but I found most people eventually are happy to talk about their experiences once the initial inhibitions are gone. One of them had a threesome with his best friend and another person, he did not want to speak on. My other friend just got really close to having one. While I am taking mental notes I wondered if they were thinking what I was thinking. We could have one there and then. Firstly, I had to interrogate everything I thought I knew about having a threesome. Being socialised in a patriarchal society and internalising the male gaze on threesomes definitely needed some deconstruction and undoing. It definitely helped having watched wholesome threesome-related porn, like in Queersome, which let me be comfortable with the thought of having a threesome consensually and magically and enjoy myself. Also, threesomes could be so diverse and dynamic, like in Sex with Friends. It just supported me through the not-knowing part of having a threesome. The thought of being in a three-way dynamic made me feel slightly insecure before. Like what was I going to do, when the two others were busy with each other? Isn’t it going to be awkward seeing and being seeing my friends naked or engaging in sexual practices? Like, I had so many questions.  

“He was suave and charming. Too charming to fall in love with, but perfect for the reckless experience of the exhilarating bucket list box tick”

Threesomes come up in my mind often, and the lines between love, respect and intimacy are so blurred when the connection, trust and familiarity with friends has revealed itself. I’ve personally had 2 threesomes. I identify as female, and my female friend and I in college were both eyeing this basketball player. He was suave and charming. Too charming to fall in love with, but perfect for the reckless experience of the exhilarating bucket list box tick we’re all seeking at some point or another in our 20s. We met him at a bar we frequented and challenged him to a game of pool – he accepted, and we played, and laughed and knocked back beers merrily – with lingering eye contact accompanying all the shared laughter. We knew the connection was building, and very intuitively, my girlfriend and I decided to go back home for a smoke and a more intimate chill after such an easeful night. 

“It was so touching and arousing to witness my friend surrender to her desires in the arms of this strong, beautiful man.”

We got to her apartment, where harmonious music and smoke filled the air – our voices were softer and lower than at the bar, naturally. The atmosphere felt closer & we found ourselves on the bed, cuddling, stroking, laughing and sharing a gentle intimacy free of expectation of worry. We all wanted it, and we knew. The levels of respect were mixed with a shyness born of uncertainty that we giggled through. It was so touching and arousing to witness my friend surrender to her desires in the arms of this strong, beautiful man. He was deep inside her, stroking and kissing me – and I watched them and touched myself. He changed condoms and entered me too. Very responsible. I also loved that the condom conversation had no tension or interruption. We blissed out afterwards and had the most wholesome naked sleepover. We woke up the next morning and hi-fived one another over a hot cup of tea, reflecting on what still remains one of the most memorable nights of my life. 

“Our friendship was always seasoned with a sexual chemistry we never quite explored”

My second threesome was a bit wilder. It was 4 years later, during my experimentation and self-exploration phase. I grew quite comfortable making out with my friends, and opting more for the “friends with sexual benefits” option than for the “committed partnership”. At the time, I was having a steamy hot 9 month long sexual relationship with my male neighbour who was an old high school friend. Our friendship was always seasoned with a sexual chemistry we never quite explored. At age 24, we went for it. We were both too busy, too curious and too social to commit to one another as primary partners, so we kept it easy. He broke up with his previous partner because of this, but they remained friends and her and I had made out a few times on nights of deep and conversations. I enjoyed it when our mouths spoke in tongues and hot breath. It was no surprise that at her farewell party, the three of us found ourselves in one apartment together at 4am after a night of furious dancing and cathartic sweating. My neighbour and I were deep inside our naked foreplay when his ex, my friend, walked into the bedroom. She quietly got into the bed with us, and I was in the middle.

“She very calmly said ‘I’m not here for you, I’m here for her’. I was flustered and felt a bit caught in the middle.”

She grabbed my breast, and he leaned over to grab her. She very calmly said “I’m not here for you, I’m here for her”. I was flustered and felt a bit caught in the middle. But we moved through the discomfort awkwardly, until we found a comfortable place to be. I eventually found my legs entangled with my female friend’s legs – while he watched us shake our hips into one another with a passionate urgency – lips touching with tenderness. The thing about female on female sex for me is that the perceived ending is actually just a door to another pleasure centre – so we kept going, moving through the throbbing sensation we were sharing until we passed out from sheer pleasureful exhaustion. She moved to Nigeria the next day, and we didn’t see one another again, but the fearless magic we exchanged is still with me, and has kept me company for some of my most glorious solo sessions with my dildo. 

“She told me that while she was masturbating the day before, her orgasm vision was a quick flash of my booty in the air and her ramming me from behind with a strap on.” 

Sex with friends for me has historically been incredibly wholesome. The next days after going there with my friends have always been so light hearted, after the initial shyness subsides. One of my closest friends married a man, but her and I always kiss on the mouth when we see one another. Long lingering kisses that are a bit raunchier than the platonic familial hello, though we disguise them as that. One day, this friend and I spoke on the phone after I’d had a really raunchy dream about her. I had dreamt that she came to visit me at my parents’ house with a cowgirl outfit and crotchless panties on, and that I lay her on my family’s dining room table, spread her legs and ate her out. In the same dream, I was masturbating in the tub – and there were unrecognizable voices outside my window. I obviously had to tell her. What was crazy about this is that, before I told her, she shared a confession she had to make. She told me that while she was masturbating the day before, her orgasm vision was a quick flash of my booty in the air and her ramming me from behind with a strap on. This was so exhilarating for me. We were in different countries at the time, but somehow, we’d experienced this intimate bond on the same day. Pure magic, and unfiltered intimate friendship. Although our physical bodies haven’t had sex, I know that our minds and souls have, and for me, that’s the ultimate connection. It feels like having sex without having to take your clothes off, like deadprez’ mindsex. Sex with friends needs imagination and normalizing seeing our friends naked or even engaging sexually with them. If all parties consent to it and feel comfortable, it could be enriching experiencing this level of intimacy. 

Are you feeling the threesome energy and up for some visual inspiration? Check out our steamy films in the Group Sex Category.

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